Screen capture via youTube/Sportsnet
Three Stars of Comedy
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Be It Resolved
That used to happen in overtime. Not all the time; even back in the day, coaches typically chose to do the fist pump on the bench move. But occasionally, one would get so excited by an overtime winner that he'd hit the ice and go join the pile.That needs to come back.
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- There seems to be some confusion as to what exactly we're about to watch. The YouTube description says it's from the early 90s, but some of the comments suggest it's actually from 1987. That seems to fit better with the highlights, so let's go with that.
- Anyway, let's all enjoy a song about how great it is to be white.
- Uh, wait, that came out wrong. Although in my defense, so does a lot of this song. It's going to get awkward. You've been warned.
- So our clip begins and the music kicks in, although not loudly enough to drown out some guys randomly talking in the background. But that's OK, because it quickly becomes apparent that we're getting an attempted parody of the classic 80s anthem "Everybody Have Fun Tonight (Everybody Wang Chung Tonight)." I'm on board. There's no way this could go badly.
- We get a few quick highlights, before cutting to a studio filled with dozens of enthusiastic Jets fans. Several of them have pom-poms and everything. They're quite the intimidating bunch.
- Wait, did that graphic that zoomed across the screen say "White Lightning"? Is it possible that this video predicted the team that the Jets would face in the 2018 Stanley Cup Final, five years before that opponent even existed?
- Uh, please tell me they just said the Jets were "good in white," and not "good and white." I'm pretty sure they did. Let's just skip ahead.
- Most of the video consists of extended shots of the Winnipeg crowd in full whiteout mode. This reminds us of two points that we've raised before. First, 80 percent of sports fans in the 1980s wore giant Elton John tinted glasses. And second, it's still weird to see a hockey crowd where everybody isn't wearing the home team's jersey. People are just wearing shirts and sweaters and normal clothes. I'm not sure when we decided that couldn't be acceptable attire for an NHL game, but here we are.
- "It's time to celebrate," our fans sing, "We're going all the way." We then get an awkward edit to cut out the part where somebody adds "to Phoenix."
- Hey, since we're kind of on the topic, we all agree that the Jets should be allowed to wear white at home during the playoffs, right? OK, just checking. I've always loved the White Out, and it still makes for a great visual, but it doesn't really make sense when it's the other team wearing white on the ice. Would anyone object if we let the Jets wear white, if only in the postseason? Good, motion carried.
- "White is right." Um, OK.
- I don't know why, but I can't think of anything more Canadian than an NHL scoreboard just flashing the word "FANTASTIC" over and over.
- I'm not actually sure what's going on with the earphones-clad mascot in this video. He's obviously not the current Jets mascot, Mick E. Moose. But he doesn't seem to be the classic old one either, since he doesn't have Benny's red nose. I don't know if this is some early prototype, or if there was a different one back in the 80s, or if this guy is from whatever TV or radio station put this video together. I also don't know why I'm so bothered by the fact that he's not wearing pants. I kind of just want this video to be over.
- Oh, speaking of disturbing mascots, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out why there was a white banana wearing sunglasses in the back row. It turns out that he's from a McDonald's ad, and, uh, you really don't want to know any more than that. Trust me. This whole video is awkward enough without knowing how that guy turned out.
- On that note, we close with a few fans either singing along or just shouting at the cameraman to leave them alone, and then a quick shot of the nicest car anyone from Winnipeg has ever owned.
- And that's it. Our singers appear to be launching into a second verse, but somebody wisely pulls the plug on the whole deal and we fade to black. A black out, if you will. Which is appropriate, because that's the level of drunk I'm going to need to get to forget I ever saw this.