Phil Kessel/Instagram
Three Stars of Comedy
The second star: Phil Kessel. Look, the whole "Phil Kessel eats too many hot dogs" thing has been done to death, as has the backlash and then the backlash to the backlash. But this is next-level stuff. Seriously, take a minute to appreciate what's happening here.
Advertisement
Outrage of the Week
Advertisement
Advertisement
The NHL USA Hockey Actually Got Something Right
Advertisement
The other issue is one that I've raised before: Efforts to increase scoring should be focused on changes that will help at five-on-five, too. That's how most of the game is played, and we don't want to train fans to sit around and wait for powerplays. There's also the risk that officials who've been told for years not to decide a game will be even more reluctant to call penalties if they know that powerplays are more effective. It would likely be a small influence, but it could be enough to cancel out most of the offensive gains we'd otherwise see.
Advertisement
Obscure Former Player of the Week
Advertisement
Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown
- This clip appears to be from 1989. The Devils were coming off of their first ever playoff appearance a year earlier, one that involved dramatic overtime heroics and also referees getting called fat pigs. It was a mixed bag, but apparently it was enough for the producers of General Hospital to say, "Let's get those guys on daytime television."
- Our scene begins with several young nurses rushing in to volunteer for duty. Apparently "one of the hockey players" has been injured and is coming to the hospital for treatment. Given how excited everyone is, I bet it's one of the team's big stars like Kirk Muller or Sean Burke.
- Nope, it's our old friend Doug Brown. See how these sections all link together? That's called synergy, kids.
- Brown's in the middle of his sophomore season, one that saw him post 25 points. That may not sound like much, but give the guy a break—as you can see, he was playing through a serious wrist injury that required a visit to the emergency room.
- Can we just point out that Brown is walking around in full uniform?
- At this point, things get a little awkward between Brown and one of the nurses. It's very subtle, but if you can get past the porn soundtrack that starts playing in the background, it's implied that they might be flirting.
- So let's address the elephant in the room: Why would you cast Doug Brown of all people in the starring role for this? It's not like there weren't any more famous Devils available, as we'll see in a minute. But they went with Brown. Why? Here's my best guess: He was the only player on the team who could string three words together. Seriously, have you ever seen hockey players try to act? It's not pretty. The pantheon of everyone who has ever tried is basically Basil McCrae absolutely nailing it and then dozens of guys doing variations of this. You take what you can get.
- "I'm counting my blessings," says the nurse, before hanging a bright red "NO VISITORS" sign on the door. Like I said, it's very subtle.
- We skip ahead, as an elevator opens to reveal two gentlemen who look a lot like Ken Daneyko and John MacLean if you CGI'd hair onto their heads. It is indeed them, as pointed out by one of the off-duty nurses. She also makes sure to mention that MacLean made the All-Star team, while Daneyko just gets labeled as "the big guy." Defensemen, man—they get no respect from anyone.
- Daneyko and MacLean are here to pick up Brown and drive him home from the hospital. You know, the way NHL players do. But instead they immediately get to work hitting on the nurses, presumably because they both have a thing for 1980s sweaters and Kelly Kapowski haircuts. Which I'm not judging them for, just to be clear.
- "I'll drop my defenses for you anytime." I think she likes them, you guys.
- She also asks them how they skate backwards, but before Daneyko can answer, "Actually, it's the 80s, so most of us still can't," Brown returns from his examination. "You guys should try to get on the injured list," he tells them, before going in for a kiss on his nurse friend.
- Can we just point out that Lou Lamoriello was running the Devils by this point? What do you think his reaction to all of this was? I think we may have found the genesis for his whole "never talk about injuries" policy.
- The other nurses demand to know what happened in there, but Brown's companion refuses to answer while, um, rubbing her throat. I guess we'll never be able to crack the code. It will remain a mystery forever.
- And that ends our clip. Tragically, the Devils missed the playoffs that year. Brown stuck with the team until 1993, but never had the kind of breakout season fans were expecting. For some strange reason, he never managed to go an entire season without getting injured.