The United States Congress is Decadent and Depraved: Scenes From the Annual Congressional Baseball Game

On Wednesday night, Republicans and Democrats put aside their political differences and played in the Congressional baseball game. The Democrats won, 15-6, in a game called in the top of the seventh due to thunder and lightning.

Could there be any more perfect metaphor for the do-nothing 113th Congress, one whose most notable legislative achievement was shutting down the government, than that it did not even finish its annual baseball game? Or how about the Republicans, who reportedly asked speaker John Boehner for a new manager after six straight losses?

"Boehner, who is not on the team, explains that's not in his job description, and he's not sure who has that authority," writes the Washington Post.

It gets better: GOP pitcher Marlin Stutzman opened the game with three straight walks and a hit batsman. The game was sponsored by the Koch Brothers, the nation of Qatar, and hordes of lobbyists. They may have been playing baseball, but Congress was lobbing softballs to everyone.

John Tener organized the original Congressional baseball game in 1909. Tener, who moved from County Tyrone to Pittsburgh as a child, was a 6'4" pitcher and outfielder who was a legit major leaguer (with a Baseball-Reference page!) for a few seasons in the late 1880s. He'd later become the only man to be governor of Pennsylvania and National League president at the same time, but created a Congressional tradition in his one term as a Republican representative from Pennsylvania.

The Congress that passed the Mann Act—which was used for years to prosecute those who authorities considered undesirable, including boxer Jack Johnson—had similarly shady dealings behind the inaugural game. The Boston Globe said "deep, dark rumors were in circulation that 'ringers' would be introduced" before the game. The Democrats won the first game, 26-16, and the first six games in the series.

The game's a farce, sure, but it's amazing how much of a farce it often is. After the anecdote about ringer rumors, the second anecdote on the actual House website's page on the game details how, in 1914, the game actually delayed work on a bill. "Speaker [James Beauchamp "Champ"] Clark sent the Sergeant at Arms to American League Field to return the Members to the House Chamber," the site reads. "When the Sergeant at Arms arrived, rain had already canceled the game. The House eventually achieved a quorum, but adjourned without making progress on the bill because Members remained preoccupied with their unfinished work on the baseball diamond." The game wasn't even played and somehow it delayed legislative business!

Speaker Sam Rayburn put an end to the game in 1958, feeling it had gotten too rough. A reminder that this is baseball, a sport where even major leaguers playing at the height of their physical prowess and desire to win rarely make contact with each other. And proving that truth is funnier than anything you could make up: The first over-the-wall homer in Congressional baseball game history was hit by Ron Fucking Paul. In 1979, Paul (then 43) hit one off Ohio Democratic Rep. Ron Mottl. He hit .294 in his congressional baseball career.

In addition to the hilarious first pitching frame by the Democrats, this year's game featured an eight-run inning by the Dems. "We were one inning away from a really competitive game, so we are coming back next year ready to go," GOP Rep. Kevin Brady (2-for-2 with 3 RBI) said, in denial about his team getting thrashed. The GOP lost last year's game 22-0, so it was an improved effort.

Baseball's a hard sport. It takes precision and skill, a good eye, and years of practice to do it without looking like an idiot. It's incredible that this is the form of competition Congress chooses to do every year.

Hunter Pence is a major league baseball player and he swings like it's his first time playing the game every time he's at the plate. And these are Congressmen trying to swing the bat! (One woman, Democratic Rep. Linda Sanchez from California, played in the game. She singled.)

This, then, is the beauty of the Congressional baseball game: It gives a chance for the public to see, or at least hear of, members of Congress absolutely embarrass themselves. (It also raised money for three charities this year.) And it's not just on the field. "There's puke everywhere at the congressional baseball game as congressional staffers get blasted while their bosses are on the field," Yahoo!'s Chris Moody tweeted.

Moody's compiled list of tweets during the game reads more like what you'd expect to see at a college football tailgate than in Congress.

It turns out that the Congressional baseball game is simply a microcosm of what Congress is like. Sports are too often used as a metaphor for life, but this time it seems appropriate.