Timofey Mozgov Changes Local Television Advertising Forever

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Timofey Mozgov Changes Local Television Advertising Forever

In which the Cavaliers' Russian-born center is kidnapped (apparently?) and forced to do a local television ad for a bar while wearing his jersey backwards.

Making a memorable local television advertisement for your restaurant is easy, and it's hard. In the most basic sense, all you need is someone to talk, some rudimentary graphics, and a camera on a tripod. Do this right—or, more memorably, do it really incredibly wrong, with line deliveries out of a proof-of-life video and food photographed to look like an industrial accident—and you've got something that sticks in the memory for far longer than any high-gloss, Mellencamp-scored Applebees ad. But it is not necessarily as easy as that.

For those businesses that want to make an advertisement that will stand the test of time, it's not just about the basics. To make advertising that endures, you'll need a charismatic star with plenty of experience speaking comprehensibly and naturally in the English language. A good place to look is on the local NBA team. From there, it's just a matter of kidnapping that team's biggest non-native English speaker, forcing him to wear his jersey backwards—this avoids a trademark infringement re: the team name on the front, while helpfully letting viewers know the last name of the wan, nervous-looking person they're watching—and telling him that he will be returned to his family safe and sound as long as he vigorously clears a plate of "the competitor's" food off a table and then speaks all his lines in one continuous, breathless take. You'll also want to make sure to note that the Strongsville location is opening soon.

Anyway, we're not telling Brew Garden of Middleburg Heights, Ohio—and, soon, Strongsville—anything they don't already know. And we certainly can't tell Timofey Mozgov anything about acting. We can only watch, and appreciate a job done well.

H/t to @nominataur