If you didn't think there was any redeeming value to the discussion about the color of the infamous dress—btw, it's fucking white and gold and I don't care what doctored internet evidence you present because white and gold is the official VICE Sports stance on it—then you clearly have not heard Mike Francesa rant about said dress and then transition into talking about "that Stephen Hawking movie."By now, regardless of every attempt to avoid this topic, inevitably all of us have turned our computers to face our coworkers, and with a hint of disbelief and dismay, asked: "How is it possible that you can't tell this goddamned dress is white and gold?" But Francesa's rant about the dress is really the only one you need to hear—again and again.It isn't so much that Francesa now has his finger on the pulse of pop culture, and has transitioned his show into discussing viral topics rather than rehash the tired Mets shortstop debate (the official VICE Sports stance is that Wilmer Flores should be the Mets starting shortstop. How could anyone think Ruben Tejada deserves another shot? Unless of course they trade for Starlin Castro). In fact, Francesa talks about the dress only to present his theory on the sorry state of the world, and how sad it is that we can get caught up in such frivolities.Francesa doesn't act so much as a fashion critic, as he becomes a critic of modern society, and he attempts to place a metaphorical mirror in front of us so that we can see how awful we truly are: Shame on us for talking about a dress. Shame on us for shitting on conversations about a dress. Shame on us for caring enough about a dress that we spent one breath on it, even if we were doing it just to denounce the whole thing in the first place.There is a value to what Francesa says, actually. We would be a better society if we didn't care about the color of dresses, social media, or the internet. Yet all the while, when listening to Francesa rant, you can't help thinking how this grown man sits in front of a microphone talking about sports for a living, and he has the audacity to tell us how we should be spending our time. If we didn't care about frivolities then Francesa wouldn't even have a job. Neither would any of us at VICE Sports actually. (The official VICE Sports stance is that we are in favor of employment.)But Francesa offers us a lifeline, he becomes our friend again. Tough love. He tells us to go watch movies. He spends more than three minutes running through the entire Kevin Costner sports movie oeuvre ("'Tin Cup' is not a terrible movie"), including revealing the entire plot of the recently released "McFarland, USA". So if you're interested in watching that movie, and you don't want to know what happens to the cross country kids in the end, then I suggest you stop listening at that point. (Btw, the official VICE Sports stance on Kevin Costner sports movies is that they are all way too white, but we haven't seen "McFarland,USA" which Francesa tells us is a story about a bunch of "immigrant kids" so we're sort of intrigued, but not really.)But you should definitely listen to the whole thing. There is no better way to spend your time.(Also, enjoy this Vine of Francesa sounding like the Predator.)
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