So Many Idiots Believe Chris Long's 2-Year-Old is On Twitter

The Philadelphia Eagles defensive end said that his two-year-old son became upset after *reading* a quote from Chris's brother Kyle, a guard for Chicago Bears, *on Twitter.*

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Jan 4 2019, 6:31pm

Photo by Jason Szenes/EPA-EFE

Sometimes athletes read the shit you say about them on Twitter—this much is evident from Kevin Durant's social media activity. But athletes' toddlers reading about shit people say about their parents on Twitter? It's a hazard that Chris Long is readying us for. Kind of.

The Philadelphia Eagles defensive end is something of a legend on the Twitters, and only cemented his legacy by rolling out a tweet earnest-sounding enough to bamboozle the public. He and his brother, Chicago Bears guard Kyle Long are set to face off against each other on Sunday in a Wild Card matchup, and Kyle decided to drop a pretty choice quotation, saying, per NFL.com:

"Unfortunately, I'm playing against my family this week. You've got to look at it as just another dude out there. He kind of looks like me, possibly, but on Sunday, we're not related, so I've got to focus on my job."

The elder Long kept the jokes coming, tweeting about how his poor two-year-old son wanted to cancel his former uncle for breaking up the family.

For whatever reason (probably because social media poisons our brains and makes us want to argue with and outsmart everyone we come in contact with), people missed the joke and began concern trolling Long for letting his two-year-old son use Twitter.

And that's when it got good. Real good.

Can two-year-olds even read, Barlow?

A certain business man even went so far as to invoke the name of the great Howie Long to chastise Chris:

So Chris Long decided to join back in on the fun:

Chris felt a need to defend himself:
And reinforced that parenting is all about teaching free will to a child while they're young:
And my personal favorite:
I'm predicting Eagles by 21 on just this basis alone. You hear that, Chris's son?