Tom Szczerbowski-USA TODAY Sports
Three stars of comedy
The first star: This kid—OK, I know we went overboard on the adorable children last week, but this little guy is too great not to recognize.
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Find something in life that, even just once, makes you as happy as this kid watching the Wild score.Everything about this is amazing. — NHL (@NHL)December 12, 2016
Trivial annoyance of the week
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Obscure former player of the week
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Be It Resolved
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- It's my only chance to ever win anything as an athlete.
- I need to hear Brass Bonanza playing in an NHL arena one more time.
- The riot after somebody pulled off that cheap breakaway move in overtime of the million-dollar title game would make early 90s Guns N' Roses concerts look like a petting zoo.
Classic YouTube clip breakdown
- So first, a little background. By 1990, everyone knew the NHL wanted to expand. They'd had eleven applications for this round, and had spent the week listening to presentations from eight of them. You can find a good rundown of all of them here.
- At one point, it had looked like Milwaukee was the clear favorite, with strong bids also coming from Seattle and Hamilton and dark horse candidates in Miami and St. Petersburg. Ottawa and Tampa were longshots at best, and by the time the big meeting took place, the NHL seemed to be leaning toward not announcing anything at all. So when the league gathered reporters for an announcement, nobody was expecting what they heard.
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- Our host for this clip is Michael Landsberg, who would later go on to host Off The Record, invite me on the show, and nearly get me murdered by a crazed Lyndon Byers. Long story. Here, he's hosting SportsDesk and breaking the news with Jim Van Horne.
- I miss the days when sports anchors wore the name of their station on the suit jackets.
- You know you've made a good expansion decision when the TV guy has to stifle a laugh when he announces the two teams and then reassure viewers that he isn't joking.
- Landsberg explains why the announcement is a surprise. Neither team has a rink, and Tampa didn't seem to have an owner or any funding. But as it turns out, the two applications were the only ones who agreed to the NHL's payment schedule, so they won.
- The "expansion process" that Van Horne mentions was the NHL's plan to expand to 28 teams by 2000. Hey, remember how everyone knew Las Vegas was getting a team like two years ago but the league kept dragging its feet on making anything official? In 1990, the Board of Governors deliberated on expansion for less than three hours before making up their minds.
- Landsberg runs down the various reasons why Ottawa wasn't thought to have much a chance, and then hilariously makes the same face every Canadian made when we heard the news.
- Next we get our first look at John Ziegler. For younger fans, Ziegler was basically Gary Bettman before there was a Gary Bettman, serving as the longtime NHL president. No, he wasn't the guy who rigged the Hall of Fame vote to get himself in; that was Gil Stein. Yes, he was the guy who disappeared during the Have Another Donut incident. The NHL has always been a really well-run league, is what I'm trying to say.
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- Ziegler's big dramatic announcement is interrupted by technical problems, as a strange voice takes over the audio feed. Can you imagine a time when the NHL couldn't even pull off a simple expansion unveiling without screwing it up?
- "I haven't burst into tears since I was a little boy, and today I had tears in my eyes," says Ottawa bid chief Bruce Firestone. He then added "Also, I will cry every time I watch this team play until roughly 1998."
- Next up, we get Phil Esposito, who was heading up the application for the somehow already-named Lightning. He compares winning the bid to Team Canada's comeback in the 1972 Summit Series, which everyone thinks is so cool that we don't notice the Hamilton bid limping by with a fractured ankle.
- My favorite part of the video comes when we get a shot of Ziegler posing with the two winners. For some reason, Ziegler decides that he really wants Firestone and Esposito to hold hands, so he just starts banging their fists together like a little kid with Barbie dolls shouting "kiss each other!"
- Esposito sends a shout out to his nameless Japanese investors and promises that they'll love hockey. That whole situation worked out great by the way.
- We get some words for the disappointed Hamilton group, who'd been considered the favorite after Tim Hortons came on board as an investor. Don't worry guys, I'm sure it's just a matter of time.
- Our last shot is of Cliff Fletcher, who justifies the Ottawa decision by explaining that he's about to take a job in Toronto and wants to make sure they have some easy playoff wins available for the next few decades. Our clip then cuts off before anyone can ask any important follow-up questions, such as "Why is your shirt unbuttoned?" and "Why is there a Dukes of Hazard sheriff standing right behind you?"
- The Senators and Lightning would cough up the cash, and a year later the league made it official. They were followed by the Panthers and Mighty Ducks, in an announcement we broke down a few years ago. The league did indeed hit that 30-team mark in time for the 2000-2001 season, marking the only known instance in history that the NHL set out to do something and actually accomplished it.