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American Runner Learns Lesson: Never Celebrate Anything, Ever

As distance runner Molly Huddle learned in Beijing on Monday, Hell is other people finishing in third place ahead of you.

After 9,999 meters, American distance runner Molly Huddle looked set for a bronze medal finish in the 10,000 meter final on Monday at the IAAF World Championships in Beijing. After 10,000 meters, she was in fourth place and the bronze medal belonged to her American teammate Emily Infeld.

Huddle, 30, would have had her first medal at a World Championships had she not coasted down the stretch and tragically thrown up her arms in celebration at the finish line.

Winning a gold medal sounds pretty cool, what with the status as greatest in the world at something and all that, but silver and bronze are pretty cool, too. You still have something that you can hang over the fireplace to impress guests, that you can wear to the grocery store to flex on that cashier who always gives you side-eye for purchasing a giant bag of candy and no vegetables, or that you can throw into a river when you're mad at the government for trying to send you to an unjust war. In that sense, there doesn't seem to be that much of a difference between first, second, and third.

But the difference between third and fourth? That's the difference between flexing on that grocery store cashier and having to quietly buy your candy in medal-less shame.

Also, shout out to the announcer for saying, as Huddle appeared to be inconsolably devastated, "There's a lesson here." Thanks, dude.