Big-Ass College Football Bowl Preview, Part I: The Playoffs And The Granddaddies

Editor's note: College Football Bowl season is here, so we're previewing every single game, from the Cure Bowl to the Playoff, to let you know what to watch, why to watch and who to pick. There are only a few bowls that really matter, but any bowl can be fun. This is Part I of our Preview; to read Part II, click here.

The first Rose Bowl was played in 1902, and lo, it nearly ravaged the very notion of bowl games before they could evolve into a classic American corporate tradition. The game itself was such a terrible contest that another one would not be held until 1916. After Michigan's 49-0 win over Stanford—a game that the Cardinal forfeited with roughly 10 minutes to play—the football portion of things, which was originally scheduled as a supplement to the Rose Parade, was supplanted by more compelling novelties. Like ostrich races.

There will be no ostrich races in Pasadena this year, but there will be the equally dynamic presence of Iowa coach Kirk Ferentz, which is the next best thing. And one can hope that Stanford, making its third Rose Bowl appearance in the past four seasons, will manage to be slightly more competitive than its early 20th-century ancestors, if more devoid of flightless birds (potential exception: The Iowa offense).

If you are into zero-sum results, than there are only three "major" bowls this season—the two playoff contests and the national championship game—but there is still a sense that certain bowls stand above the Belkian dregs. These, then, are those bowls, previewed in miniature.

Rose Bowl Presented by (Insurance Company), Jan. 1, 5 p.m. ET, ESPN, Iowa vs. Stanford

There is something comforting about the Rose Bowl's adherence to the traditional Big Ten-Pac 12 competitive format, even though it's kind of a second-tier cop-out, given that Iowa lost the Big Ten Championship game (and Stanford lost a pair of games, which kept the Pac-12 out of the playoff altogether). The intrigue in this game will center largely around the presence of Stanford running back Christian McCaffrey, who managed to finish second in the Heisman Trophy race despite playing most of his games at roughly 4 a.m. Eastern time. A solid showing against an unremarkably competent Iowa defense—and has there been a more "unremarkably competent" 12-1 team than the 2015 Iowa Hawkeyes in the recent history of college football?—could propel McCaffrey to Heisman fait-accompli status heading into the 2016 season. An Iowa victory would be a win for everything that is reliable and stultifying about Big Ten football.

(Insurance Company) Sugar Bowl, Jan. 1, 8:30 p.m. ET, ESPN, Oklahoma State vs. Ole Miss

Just as there is something comforting about the old Rose Bowl conference affiliations holding firm in the playoff era, there is a nostalgic joy in recognizing that the Sugar Bowl will be played in the evening on January 1, as millions of hangovers begin their gradual retreat, and that it will feature a top-tier SEC team. In this case, that team is another imperfect one-time playoff contender, Ole Miss, facing up against another imperfect one-time playoff contender, Oklahoma State. As is tradition with bowl games being held in New Orleans, weird things tend to happen in the lead-up: Like star defensive linemen tumbling out of hotel windows, and then getting caught with seven neatly pre-rolled joints in their room. Which begs two questions: 1) Will there be anything resembling defense in a game featuring two teams that averaged more than 40 points per game this season, and 2) Did whoever possessed those joints hire a professional blunt-roller, and if so, is that considered an NCAA violation?

(Obstacle Course Race) Fiesta Bowl, January 1, 1 p.m. ET, ESPN, Notre Dame vs. Ohio State

Of all the highly rated afterthoughts to the Playoff, this will no doubt be the highest-rated of them all, given the principals involved. Notre Dame (which missed out on the playoff after losing to Clemson and Stanford) and Ohio State (which missed out on the playoff by failing to settle on a quarterback, and then losing to Michigan State) last met in the 2006 Fiesta Bowl, back when Brady Quinn and Troy Smith were legitimate NFL prospects, Jim Tressel was not blackballed from major college football, and Charlie Weis seemed like a shrewd hire for Notre Dame. What a time to be alive! Also, those were the halcyon days when the Fiesta Bowl was sponsored by a manufacturer of corn-based salsa absorption products, which was perhaps the most symbiotic sponsor-bowl name relationship in the history of bowl games. Now we're left with one of those silly corporate-race companies that will no doubt attempt to piggyback on your guilt over your own holiday slothfulness. But I guess that's as good a tribute to Weis as anything else in this game.

(Bank/Credit-Card/Jennifer Garner Purveyor) Orange Bowl, December 31, 4 p.m. ET, ESPN, Oklahoma vs. Clemson

Due to scheduling quirks, the playoff games will actually be contested before the less meaningful bowls, offering an excuse to stay in for those of us who find New Year's Eve a tiresome exercise in manufactured fun. First, this: An undefeated Clemson team, the No. 1 seed, against a fourth-seeded Oklahoma squad that is as dangerous as any program heading into this postseason, if you're a believer in, like, numbers and things. Given the dynamic abilities of Clemson quarterback DeShaun Watson and Oklahoma quarterback Baker Mayfield, and given the fact that Oklahoma was third in the nation in scoring offense (and Clemson 15th), this should be the game that blasts us entertainingly into 2016 …

(Tire Manufacturer) Cotton Bowl (Playoff Semifinal), December 31, 8 p.m. ET, ESPN, Michigan State vs. Alabama

… as opposed to this game, a potentially buttoned-down affair which features two of the best defenses in the country. (And speaking of tradition: Why did Jerry Jones earn the right to co-opt a game that doesn't belong to his Ostentatious Jumbotron Farm?) Mark Dantonio is a former Nick Saban assistant, and given Alabama's Herculean momentum heading into this contest—and its slow takeover of the college football universe—it will no doubt spur Dantonio to once again comfortably frame his team's position as the underdog, which is something he's been doing for years now. Whether that tactic works against Saban's horde of white walkers is a whole other question.