Today on the Worldwide Content Leader, a reasonable person named Arian Foster slew the two-headed troll dragon that lords over the castle known as First Take. It began when Dragonhead 1 spoke ill of VICE Sports Hero Marshawn Lynch, saying, "I think he should be getting fined $20,000 a day" because "you can't act like that."
In response, Foster made multiple calm, correct points as American Football fans cheered his intelligence and sanity from behind the set. "Let's talk," he said politely to Dragonhead 1. "I've never seen anybody get a contract because they're really good in the media," he said without raising his voice.
The segment ended fittingly with technical difficulties.