Congress Proposes Bill to Bar Minor Leaguers from Fair Labor Protections

Minor League Baseball does not want to pay its players a livable wage, so Congress stepped up to the plate.

Jun 29 2016, 6:39pm

Proving there is no end to the usurious shitbaggery Congress is capable of, two representatives have introduced a bill called "Save America's Pastime," that seeks to exclude Minor League Baseball from federal fair labor protections. Congressman Brett Guthrie, a Republican from Kentucky, and Congresswoman Cheri Busto, a Democrat from Illinois, introduced a bill that would amend the federal Fair Labor Standards Act to "clarify" that Minor League Baseball would not be subject to the law. The reasoning behind the clarification is that the FLSA was intended to protect hourly-wage jobs, not glorified internships. Also, because elected officials and sports leagues are shameless and money-grubbing.

The amendment is in response to a lawsuit in California filed on behalf of thousands of current and former minor leaguers that claims federal overtime protection should be available to minor league baseball players. Minor League Baseball does not want that because it means pumping in more money to its actual product—they'd rather pay to license some stupid Star Wars jersey to sell you—which means less money for owners. So, they make the argument that paying the players—the majority of whom earn less than minimum wage—a livable salary would bankrupt the whole Minor League system, destroy local economies supported by Minor League Baseball, and strip families of affordable fun.

Here's the nut graf:

"This suit threatens baseball's decades-old player development system with an unprecedented cost increase, which would jeopardize the skills-enhancement role of the minor leagues and the existence of Minor League Baseball itself. As a result of this lawsuit filed on behalf of thousands of current and former players, many cities would be in jeopardy of losing their Minor League Baseball teams, resulting in the elimination of tens of thousands of jobs nationwide, shuttering tax-payer funded ballparks and creating a void of affordable family-friendly entertainment."

Translation: Please allow us to keep exploiting our workforce so that we can continue ripping off tax-paying fans who fund both ends of our operation (first by paying for our ballparks and second by buying our overpriced merchandise) while maintaining the charade that minor league baseball is both good for the local economy and provides for a cheap night out with the kids.

Meanwhile, as they continue to cry poverty and recruit elected officials to help Save America's Pastime, the good and benevolent entertainers of Minor League Baseball will sell you a hat with a taco on it for $36.00.