PETA Is Investigating Dez Bryant's Monkey

Last week, Cowboys receiver Dez Bryant showed the world his monkey. It's adorable and named Dallas. This week, PETA wants to get to the bottom of this monkey business (I'm really sorry). The NFL reporting brigade is all over the news, with Ian Rapoport and Adam Schefter leading the charge.

PETA contacted DeSoto (TX) Animal Control to request investigation into #Cowboys WR Dez Bryant's "possible illegal possession" of a monkey
— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) November 2, 2015

PETA's Brittany Peet: "Monkeys belong in the wild—not (for) football players who acquire exotic animals just to make a splash on Instagram."
— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) November 2, 2015

Harsh words. Adam Schefter has some more from Peet, and a possible landing spot for Dallas.

"This baby capuchin was torn away from his mother shortly after birth and needs special care that can now only be provided by wildlife experts who will be able to ensure that he gets the love and attention he deserves."

PETA has already secured space at an accredited primate sanctuary that stands ready to take in Dallas, who would be introduced to an adult female capuchin who could act as a surrogate mother figure. He would also be able to socialize and develop with members of his own species.

It's not even clear if Bryant is actually keeping the monkey or if he just posed for a picture with it—PETA requested an investigation into his "possible illegal possession." Peet is right about monkeys, but I swear to God, I thought I'd go my whole life without reading an Adam Schefter sentence like "He would also be able to socialize and develop with members of his own species."