It all has to do with a concert in Buenos Aires that at least one person won't admit ever happened. So, you know, normal stuff.
Photo via Wikimedia Commons
Nothing says dunking on the defense in a trial like bringing out a Jonas brother to testify that a concert took place. For some bizarre reason, that's exactly what happened in the FIFA corruption trial in Brooklyn today, when Kevin Jonas took the stand to say that he went to a Paul McCartney concert in Buenos Aires in 2010.
I'd love to pretend that the full context makes the oldest Jonas brother testifying in court during a trial about soccer corruption seem all the more reasonable, but it really doesn't. Nevertheless, here's why Kevin Jonas made sure that people knew that a concert—likely with all kinds of paper and online evidence proving its existence, and filled with tens of thousands of other witnesses to its existence—actually happened.
A Paraguayan official named Juan Angel Napout is accused of money laundering, racketeering, and wire fraud and was said to have pulled FIFA strings to land Paul McCartney tickets in 2010 at the River Plate Stadium in Buenos Aires. Napout's defense lawyers, however, refused to stipulate that the Paul McCartney concert ever happened at all (we are talking people who have to back up FIFA-level denialism here). So, for wasting everyone's time, the prosecution decided to go for a celebrity-assisted fuck you and brought in Kevin Jonas to say, yup, that concert actually did happen, because he went to it.
Apparently, bruh wasn't even aware of Napout's presence at the place—nor had he even heard of the man, per Buzzfeed's Ken Bensinger:
So, again, there was no real need to bring Kevin Jonas along. But they did it anyway, and he told a superfluous little anecdote about traffic. Hey, whatever it takes to nail these FIFA officials to the wall, amirite?