Predictions For the Second Half of the NHL Season

The 2016-17 NHL season resumes Tuesday after a four-day All-Star break, and with more than two months remaining … my goodness. There are still 10 more weeks left in the season? Did the NHL make the season longer? Isn't the NHL's regular season outlawed by the terms of the Geneva Convention?

Anyway, we're about to make the turn to the homestretch. Thanks to the NHL's points system, everyone that's not Arizona or Colorado has a realistic chance for the playoffs. Every major award — except the Norris Trophy — is a wide-open race. There's history on the line, potential franchise relocations and the looming specter of the NHL saying no to the 2018 Olympics because why would the league reward fans for suffering through regular seasons by granting them two weeks of hockey ecstasy every four years?

Here are 11 storylines or things or stuff or whatever to help you persevere through a cavalcade of three-point games and teams not trying in tie games during the final five minutes from now until mid-April.

I like hockey. I swear.

11. Will the NHL agree to go to the Olympics? A shaky yes. This was what it was like four years ago. Gary Bettman posturing. The IOC pretending not to worry. Players speaking out about how badly they want to go. It certainly feels like less of a sure thing than it did four years ago but all sides usually figure it out.

It wasn't until July 2013 that an agreement was reached for NHL players to go to Sochi. There's still a lot of runway left and bargaining to be done.

10. Will the Detroit Red Wings' streak of 25 straight playoff appearances end? Almost definitely. They begin the second half six points out of a playoff spot and with six teams between them and a wild-card spot. The Red Wings' minus-21 goal-differential is the second-worst in the East. They lost four straight heading into the break.

The last time the Red Wings didn't experience a postseason, Steve Yzerman was 24 years old, the NHL had 21 teams and Jaromir Jagr was a rookie.

9. Is someone moving to Quebec or Seattle? Maybe! It won't happen in March, but Carolina Hurricanes owner Peter Karmanos is talking about selling the team. The New York Islanders are about to get evicted from their home in Brooklyn. Quebec has an NHL-ready arena. Seattle was set to become the home of the Coyotes a few years ago.

Bettman said during All-Star weekend that Carolina isn't moving but he said the same thing about the Atlanta Thrashers three weeks before they announced they were moving to Winnipeg. All possibilities are on the table.

8. Will someone other than Connor McDavid win the Hart Trophy? No shot in hell. The Oilers are 12 points clear of ninth place in the West, and as long as they reach the playoffs, the MVP is his. Sidney Crosby may finish with more points in fewer games, but the Penguins are loaded and McDavid is dragging a former laughingstock toward its first postseason berth since 2006.

You will no doubt hear things about other players in the MVP "conversation," whatever the hell that means, but that's just people filling time until the playoffs. Brent Burns? Nice thought, but no. Devan Dubnyk? Nah. Evgeni Malkin? Only if we agree it's a big middle finger to those who left him off the NHL's Top 100 list.

7. Will Donald Trump attend a Washington Capitals game? Goodness, I hope so. I want him sitting 10 rows off center ice, under the impression fans there are ready to shower him with love, except he'll be heckled until he's forced to navigate the stairs he fears climbing while garbage is hurled at him from all corners of the arena.

Then I want people who cried because Mike Pence got booed at Hamilton to defend Trump on Twitter, only so I can do some quote-tweeted jokes until Twitter bans me. Something on this list has to be just for me. I'm sorry.

6. Will the Chicago Blackhawks miss the playoffs? Once again, I hope so. Don't care who knows it, either. They'd have to give back at least 13 points to a team that is outside the playoffs (hello, Los Angeles). But wouldn't it be great if a team that allegedly had three of the 100 greatest players in NHL history missed the playoffs the year they were named to said list? Yes, it would.

The Blackhawks are 20th in score-adjusted Fenwick with a PDO of 101.2 Everyone is waiting for Columbus to collapse but it could be the Blackhawks—if we're lucky. Here's to hoping.

5. Will a big name get dealt at the trade deadline? Yes. Guaranteed. The roadblock to that is too many teams are still alive, so nobody will be a seller. But Colorado is already dead in the water and will likely try to move Matt Duchene or Gabriel Landeskog. St. Louis could deal Kevin Shattenkirk if the Blues are fighting for a playoff spot or not. Is Shane Doan a big name? No, but goodness, man, accept a trade to a contender. Live in a hotel for a couple months. Your family will be there forever if you retire after this season.

Note: I am not responsible if the biggest deadline deal is PA Parenteau for a third-round pick.

4. Are the Tampa Bay Lightning going to miss the playoffs? No way. There's a healthy body of evidence that says they won't figure it out before Steven Stamkos returns. They're a middling possession team. Their goaltenders can't stop anything. The penalty kill has been mediocre at best.

The Lightning have four home games in a row coming out of the break — Boston, Ottawa, Anaheim and Los Angeles. I say they get at least six of eight points from those games and begin their climb to second place in the Atlantic.

3. Is this Jaromir Jagr's final season? Come on. He has said he wants to play until he's 55 years old. The NHL is getting a new team in Las freaking Vegas next season. If anything, he'll be a Golden Knight during the season and a blackjack dealer in the offseason from 2017 through 2036 or whenever the Las Vegas team folds or relocates.

2. Who will win the Mark Messier Leadership Award? lol jk who cares?

2. Will a player reach 100 points this season? Crosby is on pace for 99.5; McDavid for 95.1 and Evgeni Malkin for 93.1. The answer is no. Crosby is scoring at a pace that he hasn't seen in years and the other two guys need to pick up the pace in a major way over their final 30ish games. One slump or one week away because of injury and there's just no chance for any of them.

Oh well. At least hockey weirdos can spend the final 10 weeks bragging about how they see the beauty in 2-1 and 1-0 games that regular fans who want more goals just can't see.

1. Are the Penguins going to repeat as Stanley Cup champions? Whether it's round one or round two, Penguins-Capitals will be for the Stanley Cup, thanks to their deep teams and the NHL's goofy playoff format. The Penguins won it last year by getting hot down the stretch and I see no reason to change my preseason pick when their chances seem no worse than 50-50 now.

Note: This take is not valid if Kris Letang isn't healthy enough to play in the postseason and yes, you should take this as a slap in the face if you are a fan of the Canadiens, Blackhawks, Wild or any other team that's not Washington or Pittsburgh.

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