Who Are The Sports Analogues For Your Favorite "Star Wars" Characters?
A comprehensive, if by no means objective, guide to which people from the world of sports most resemble the characters from the "Star Wars" universe.
Heroes, villains, grand narratives and the inevitable conflict between selfish goals and collective needs—in many ways, Star Wars and sports are telling the same eternal story, although one is more reliant on CGI than the other. In both cases, ordinary people must deal with extraordinary hardship, and find in themselves something heroic which had otherwise been hidden. In honor of The Force Awakens, the latest installment in the Star Wars legend, Vice Sports got together and tried to figure out which figures from the world of sports most resembled the indelible characters from George Lucas' cinematic universe. The argument got pretty heated at times, and of course there's no single right answer to any of these questions. Because one legend deserves another, here's our list.
Immature but blessed with an extraordinary gift, Luke must learn to master not just "The Force," but his own emotions. Nothing less than the fate of the galaxy depends upon it!
The Luke Skywalker of sports is...
This rakish space pirate has charisma to spare, and there might not be a better pilot in the universe. But the captain of the Millennium Falcon only works for one person: himself. With the fate of the galaxy at stake, how much will he risk?
The Han Solo of sports is...
Princess Leia Organa
Brave and beautiful in equal measure, Princess Leia is passionate in defending her people against the predations of the Empire. But she is not just an advocate for the people of Alderaan—she's willing to risk everything in order to ensure that the galaxy remains free and at peace. And she'll have to do just that.
The Princess Leia of sports is...
This powerful Jedi Knight is merciless in the service of The Emperor, and his allegiance to the Dark Side of The Force has made him cruel and cold. Is there any humanity left inside the Jedi who was once a man named Anakin Skywalker? That defining struggle between light and dark is what makes Vader such an enduring character.
The Darth Vader of sports is...
A statesman and a Jedi Master, Yoda is a figure whose wisdom and nobility far outweigh his small size. No one in the galaxy understands the Force better, but this is as much a burden as it is a blessing for Yoda—while gifted at imparting his wisdom to deserving pupils like Luke Skywalker, Yoda also knows how powerful the pull of the Dark Side is, and how dangerous the Force can be if used for the wrong ends.
The Yoda of sports is...
Wicket The Ewok
Wicket, a scout of the peaceful Ewoks that live on the forest moon of Endor, wants what all Ewoks want—to live his life in peace and harmony with nature. He's furry, short, and cute, but don't let his adorable mien fool you. There's the heart of a warrior within this pint-sized Ewok. When the Rebellion comes to Endor, Wicket knows he must choose sides, and either assist the rebels in destroying the Death Star and undoing the Empire, or see his people fall under the Emperor's dominion.
The Wicket The Ewok of sports ...
Comparatively little is known about Gleep Vonteego, a character that was edited out of The Phantom Menace after preview audiences deemed him too offensive to Italian-Americans. George Lucas has defended Vonteego, who was played by the American character actor Dan Hedaya, but has otherwise refused to reveal much about the character's aborted story arc beyond the fact that, in Star Wars Episode II: Attack Of The Clones, Vonteego would open an auto body shop with his wife, Tina.
The Gleep Vonteego of sports is...
This bounty hunter will go to the ends of the known universe—literally—to get his man. Doing the right thing isn't part of the job description, and when Jabba The Hutt puts Boba Fett on the trail of Han Solo, it's only a matter of time before the space pirate winds up face to face—or face to mask—with the most fearsome bounty hunter in the galaxy.
The Boba Fett of sports is...
Oscar Isaac's Character In The Force Awakens
We haven't seen The Force Awakens yet. Maybe this weekend.
The [Whoever Oscar Isaac Plays In The Force Awakens] of sports is...