Washington Capitals Fans Don't Deserve This Much Agony

Washington Capitals fans have done nothing to deserve what the Washington Capitals have done to them over the past decade. They are not a spoiled fan base. They've packed the Verizon Center since 2008-09. They are Charlie Brown, and year after year they truly believe they are going to kick the football, and year after year Lucy pulls it away.

The new and torturous ways of losing that the Capitals have concocted for their fans is something you wouldn't wish on any fan base in any sport.

Well, maybe Dallas Cowboys fans. No, definitely Dallas Cowboys fans. They deserve pain.

But the Capitals are a relatively new franchise, having entered the league in 1974. In their 43 years of existence, they made only one Stanley Cup Final appearance, in 1998, when they were swept. Yeah, the fans didn't really begin to arrive in droves until the Alex Ovechkin era, but Capitals fans aren't front-runners as much as they are masochists.

Pick a hockey fan base and you can muster at least an ounce of joy from their sorrow. Blackhawks fans? Sure, every fan has an origin story, but it sure is convenient when that origin story coincides with the team's first Stanley Cup in a million years. Rangers fans? They're a cocky group considering their team has one Cup in nearly 75 years. And don't even get me started on a fan base that demands the coach speaks French and encourages pregame ceremonies for some third-line dude who won four Cups five decades ago.

Some fan bases make it easy to loathe them and the team, but how do you have anything but pity for the people who have been wearing Nicklas Backstrom jerseys for the past ten years?

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The only possible reason to hate Caps fans is the guy who blew his god forsaken horn inside the Verizon Center a dozen times a game, but even that stopped this season. There was no reason to revel in the latest crushing defeat at the hands of the Pittsburgh Penguins on Wednesday night. Quite frankly, you're a monster if you did.

This year, the Penguins gave the Capitals probably their best chance to finally reach the third round during the Ovechkin era. No Kris Letang. No Matt Murray. They used a .908 regular-season goaltender for all seven games. Sidney Crosby missed a game, then played the last three (in all likelihood) without completely recovering from a concussion. They had to come to D.C. for Game 7 after losing two straight. And they couldn't make it happen.

It's hard to imagine a more soul-crushing loss for a fan base. The Capitals dominated the first ten minutes. Then the Penguins got a goal. Ovechkin hit the shaft of Marc-Andre Fleury's stick. Then the Capitals squeezed their sphincters so tight that air won't escape from their ass for weeks. Then a turnover led to yet another soft goal against Braden Holtby. Once they were down 2-0, it was a pathetic, panic-fueled performance over the final 15 minutes.

The Capitals couldn't even give their fans a one-goal game for the final two minutes.

Imagine if this was the fate of another team. The Flyers. The Bruins. The Kings. Anyone. You would have taken out your phone at 2-0 and texted your friend who roots for that team every joke your mind could conceive, and you would have done it for about 30 minutes in real time. There would have been lols and lmaos and bitmojis or whatever the hell young people text to piss off their friends in moments like these.

I don't know any Capitals fans, but if I did, I would have knocked on their door with five minutes left in regulation. We would have reenacted the scene from Good Will Hunting when Robin Williams tells Matt Damon it's not his fault over and over until we both broke down and cried.

After that, I don't know. I'm pretty sure my hypothetical Caps fan friend can't take a cross-country drive to see his estranged girlfriend at Stanford to feel better. I wouldn't have let my friend read what is perhaps the most unconscionable postgame quote in the history of Game 7 losses.

"We didn't lose the series tonight," Backstrom said. "We lost it the first three games."

For years, Caps fans have defended and rationalized their team's epic playoff failures. It was a crazy performance from Jaroslav Halak that one time. The New York Rangers just have our number. The Penguins went on to win the Cup in 2016, so there's no shame there.

You refused to accept the choking narrative. The Capitals are soft? That's not the reason they've lost. It's just the story the media loves to push.

And how is your faith and dedication rewarded? With a Backstrom quote that reveals a mentality that has crippled the Capitals when the chips are down. The Capitals didn't lose the series in Game 7? They lost it the first three games, one of which was a Capitals victory? You've dug your heels in for this team for years, and you discover your franchise center was carrying that belief in his mind? That's what he's falling back on when things get tough in a Game 7? The series was already lost before it was half over, and you hear it from a guy who was a non-entity in Game 7?

You don't deserve this, Caps fans.

So what do you do now with an off-season that's sure to change the face of the franchise for years? What's the plan now that the championship window is shut for good with this core?

Give up.

Take it from me, someone who's dead inside when it comes to hockey: let go. It's an unbelievable feeling. When you don't root for a team, no team can hurt you. No team can take your disposable income and piss it away right in front of you. The Caps loss bugged me because I (stupidly) picked them to win the Cup, but about five minutes later, I was over it.

If you don't love a team, a team can never hurt you.

The Capitals checked out on you; it's OK to check out on them. Things will only get worse from here. It's time to bail on this relationship before it gets worse. You gave it everything you had for longer than you should have. Now it's time to be single. Get to know yourself. Have some you time.

And if Backstrom ever sees you and asks why you lost your love for the Capitals after Wednesday, tell him, "I didn't lose my fandom this year. I lost it the first three years you were on the team."

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