Sweet cat, we don't deserve you.
Screen capture via CBS
The Baltimore Ravens and the Miami Dolphins played a game last night, and boy was it ugly. Jay Cutler watched from the sidelines as Matt Moore botched his step-up moment by throwing two interceptions that were both returned for touchdowns. Joe Flacco exited early with a concussion on an extremely late hit from Kiko Alonso. When the skies finally cleared of blood and the iron settled to the earth, you could see the scoreboard, which read 40-0 in Baltimore's clear favor.
In an NFL season that has been mostly a shit parade, this game really stood out as the one you really could've tuned out of midway through the second quarter.
But lo? What's this?
Yes, a hero emerged on the night, deep into the fourth quarter—where all true heroes emerge. Because, apparently, all of the cat ladies in the audience had nodded off and let slip their cats of war to be unleashed upon the gridiron for a taste of sweet, sweet freedom. Namely, one cat stood—nay, bounded—alone (there may have been hundreds of cats out there—who was actually paying attention at this point?) as a beacon of athletic majesty on the field. The nimble grace, the pillowy bounds, the staccato of paws—the delicate braiding of movement lines. The whole scene was enough to inspire Tony Romo's delighted call:
"Look at this Jim—this is like how you ran in high school. Look at that: perfect form, extension, I mean, it doesn't even get phased that they're people around. Just lo—oooh!—look at the change of direction. Does he get both feet in [at this point, Romo's voice hits an anticipatory peak] right here at the end, Jim?!?! He's in! Oh! That's way too much fun at this point."
Yes, Romo, it is fun. That's something we all deserved after watching that litter box of a game. Good cat.