Marfan Syndrome, Kids in Wheelchairs, Camo, and Bombers Everywhere: Sports

Last night, the NBA assessed and purchased the coming year's supply of young bodies. Not content to commodify those who are expected to put on the uniform, they also, famously, co-opted the sad story of Isaiah Austin, whose diagnosis with Marfan syndrome cut off the possibility of a career playing pro basketball, by "drafting" him (and the sure-to-be-inspiring story he's beginning to write) into the league and slapping a generic "NBA" cap on his head in a moment that was, like all the other ones, so carefully calibrated for TV that it may as well have been a made-for-TV movie.

Behind the scenes things were a little less scripted and a lot more interesting, with actual human interests, emotions and appetites on display.

The NHL's own draft is today, and the NBA's eternal second sister is sure to follow suit, just the way they followed the NBA's overexpansion into the Sun Belt and endured a similar and massive dilution of the talent pool. One suspects that they won't bring up the real-life tragedies that befall their players, since chronic traumatic encephalopathy and death are an occupational hazard for the league's enforcers, and even their talented young players may get knocked out of the playoffs when long-time goons and agitators who have been suspended five times deliver knee-on-knee hits that require surgical fixes.

I think we can all agree that bringing this up at a celebration of juicy, fulfilling young talent on the cusp of a realized dream would simply be in bad taste. The league instead may observe a moment for well-liked pugilist Gino Odjick, who recently revealed that, at only 43, he has a fatal heart condition, and perhaps only weeks to live. If he can't make it, I don't know: I guess they can always pull a World Cup and have every player whose name is called walk up pushing a kid in a wheelchair or something. Wet eyes, wet eyes everywhere for the NHL.

The NFL, never content to leave a second unsiezed or a moment unmonetized, will no doubt stick to their long-established pattern of keeping their sentimentality nicely militarized. Maybe the first league to weaponize emotion, the footballers are even now, I'm told by informed observers, planning to extend their program of occasional fighter-jet flyovers at the beginning of games.

The "Flight for Fight" initiative is said to offer poor war orphans the chance to sign up with their favorite NFL team at any age. "If an American war plane has flown over you," said one NFL spokesman, "you just might be NFL material." This exciting synergy between the NFL and the United States war machine is just one example of how we can expect the NFL to become the world's game, whether the world likes it or not.

Cynics may suggest that this is just a covert way of extending the league's draft to the citizens of other countries, to which we say: just look at those beautiful flags. Whether draped over a gridiron gladiator or a coffin just back from Afghanistan, see how they ripple and drape.