For One Glorious Moment, the NHL had a Ref's Dick Goal

St. Louis Blues defenseman Robert Bortuzzo launched a puck down ice, and nailed a referee straight in the junk—only to make a huge deflection into goal. Sadly, there's a rule for these things.

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Dec 12 2018, 3:52pm

Screen capture via YouTube/SportsNet

There are certain goals that you'd give your left nut (or ovary?) just to take back. And then there are goals that are taken back that literally caused someone to lose their left nut.

Last night, during a game between the St. Louis Blues and the Florida Panthers, Blues defenseman Robert Bortuzzo dumped the puck into the Panthers zone, but ended up finding the boards blocked by a twig and berries. The unwitting referee, Tim Peel, tried to get out of the way, but instead, moved into direct range of the black biscuit—only to hit him...in the biscuits.

There are a couple of extraordinary things about this clip. First of all, it's the range of deflection. If I were to read the headline, "NHL Player Scores Goal Off Ref's Dick," I would think it would be some kind of dinky, short-range, wacky situation. But nay, dear headline-clicker, you have been rewarded. Because this is Big Dick Energy's cousin, Big Dick Deflection. That puck must travel 20 feet before reaching the net! My God.

The other thing that's pretty extraordinary is that there is actually a rule about these kinds of things. While a ref is considered to be a part of the ice—yes, including his dick—the NHL has a rule set down—rule 78.5 (iii)—that a goal will be disallowed when it has "deflected directly into the net off an official." Which is exactly what happened here. So, Panthers goalie (and all around solid dude) Roberto Luongo was spared the indignity (indicknity?) of having his name attached to this goal.

As for Peel, he took a quick break to reassemble himself in the dressing room, and eventually returned to the game.

The Blues beat the Panthers by one goal anyway, but I'm sure they still want that one goal back. Just to say they got a dick goal.