America's mascot asks america's laughing stock if he needs any help, everybody laughs, ha ha ha.
It feels like years have passed since the New England Patriots won the Super Bowl, but it was somehow only a few months ago. Today, some of the Patriots (Many
six* are not attending for various reasons, including Tom Brady) are visiting the White House to celebrate that win.
If America had a national mascot, Gronk would probably be it. Naturally, he couldn't let the opportunity pass without making a little joke. He popped his head into the White House briefing room where national embarrassment Sean Spicer was already opening his mouth and figuring out what sounds to make with it.
"Do you need some help?" Gronk asked Spicer. The answer, of course, is yes. Spicer needs so much help, whether it's remembering what concentration camps are called, retweeting The Onion, or just using the English language properly. But here, a helping hand is offered from perhaps the single person in this country less qualified to be speaking for a living: a Gronk.
And yet, If you watch the clip, there appears to be a brief moment where Spicer has his doubts.
"I think I got this, but thank you," he replies.
"You sure?" Gronk asks. America's mascot, for one brief, fleeting moment, is America's conscience, asking America's laughing stock if he wants to tap out. And Spicer, I swear to fucking God, watch the clip: he thinks about it, for the briefest of seconds. Everything about this ridiculous country at this specific moment is coming together here in an instance of cosmic balance.
"Umm, maybe," Spicer replies, with a wry smile, as his eyes dart back to the press pool. The moment is over. Everything is back to normal. As always, Spicer has no idea what to say.
*Edited to clarify that waaaaaay more than six skipped out.