Tom Brady is Testifying Under Oath at His DeflateGate Hearing. What the Hell Does That Mean?

During today's appeal, Tom Brady is testifying under oath, per source.
— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) June 23, 2015

Tom Brady's appeal before National Football League commissioner Roger Goodell for his DeflateGate suspension is today and, as you can see, the New England Patriots quarterback apparently will testify under oath. This is one of those things that looks reasonable at first glance, but think about it for a minute and you'll find yourself asking whaaaaaaaa???

Brady's appeal is before the same man who handed down his punishment, Goodell. As much as the authority-humping NFL Media-Industrial Complex would like you to believe otherwise, Goodell is neither a judge nor a law enforcement officer. He doesn't even have the power to subpoena Brady's cellphone, let alone prosecute the man for perjuring himself. So what the hell gives?

Goodell himself testified under oath at Ray Rice's appeal, but that was an actual arbitration proceeding, in front of an actual former U.S. District Judge agreed upon by both parties. Despite having relaxed standards when compared to state and federal court proceedings, arbitration hearings are still quasi-judicial, used by parties who want a matter officially adjudicated with the force of law without incurring the time and financial expense of litigation. By contrast, Brady's appeal is in front of non-judge Goodell, who was agreed upon by one party, Goodell. So does it even qualify as an arbitration hearing?

@jacove It is arbitration, the NFL's unique version of it. Goodell is serving as the hearing officer (and also, it appears, a witness).
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) June 23, 2015

I don't know what "the NFL's unique version of it" means, but I'm sure no one has ever questioned the league's authority to look at the color red and call it "blue" because it suits a particular need. But anyway, Goodell will serve as hearing officer of a unique version of arbitration where he will not only hear sworn testimony from Brady, but also (possibly not sworn) testimony from himself. And then he will make a ruling. Seems legit. Good job agreeing to this kind of system in the 2011 Collective Bargaining Agreement negotiations, NFL Players' Union!

Goodell: Mr. Brady may I remind you that you're under oath.Brady: You swore me in on a stack of Play 60 coloring books.Goodell: Objection.
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) June 23, 2015

So: taking the above to its logical conclusion, what happens if Brady does, in fact, perjure himself? It is very clearly not illegal to lie to Goodell, because several people every day likely say "nice to see you, Rog," and none of them get thrown in jail.

@LyfordBeverage Possibly, although in the unlikely world that Brady perjures himself, a grand jury or prosecutor would need to accuse him.
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) June 23, 2015

@dporterjax33 @MarkDanielsPJ Venue is not key issue. If you knowingly lie in an arbitration, the arbitrator can refer it to a prosecutor.
— Michael McCann (@McCannSportsLaw) June 23, 2015

So if Brady does lie to Lord Commander Goodell, and the NFL somehow finds out, Goodell would have to stop playing legal dress-up and go tattle-tale to the real authorities with real power. Which makes this whole affair the most NFL thing ever: Goodell as some charlatan behind the curtain, ruling through fear and bravado.