PA Images
It's hard to feel bad for Jose Mourinho. That's it – there isn't a 'but' or anything missing from the end of the sentence, it's simply very hard to feel any kind of sympathy for the guy. After all, he's among the most egotistical, smug, and annoying managers in global football, and perhaps the history of civilised society.Jose's tried and tested approach of 'blame everyone except me for my own shortcomings' when things go wrong – which they invariably do during his third season at literally every club he has ever managed – appears to have arrived two years early at Manchester United. With the most expensive player in the world at his disposal, and a team that is among the most expensively assembled ever, he recently oversaw a goalless draw with Liverpool in which United mustered a single shot on goal. They were over the moon with this.But there was no such 'tactical masterclass' this week. This United side looked more like a third-season Mourinho mess on their way to an absolute walloping by Chelsea. The Blues have shown glimpses of form this season, but on the whole appeared inconsistent while finding their feet under new manager Antonio Conte, who looks as dreamy as a fifties Hollywood movie star when he's not foaming at the mouth in anger.Within the first minute, last season's Mourinho signing Pedro rolled one past a bewildered United defence, and things went downhill from there. Mourinho's team still looked oddly like they were playing for a draw, despite being absolutely battered. Chelsea, meanwhile, seemed to enjoy being told to actually attack, perhaps because their previous permanent manager was forever telling them to park the proverbial bus.Towards the end of the game, the swoon-inducing Conte – perturbed at the lack of noise coming from the home crowd – turned towards the Stamford Bridge faithful and gave the old 'let's raise the roof' arm wave. This, as you might expect from someone who will focus on anything but his own failures, seemed to rile Mourinho, and at the final whistle he lingered in Conte's ear, making for an impassioned tête-à-tête.Strange as it may seem, this reminded me of that scene towards the end of Lost In Translation where Bill Murray whispers something inaudible in Scarlett Johannson's lovely ear, before leaving Japan forever. We, the audience, may never know what Mourinho said to the sultry Conte. We can only imagine what words tripped from his lips, but personally I would like to think it was along the lines of:"Baste them in goose fat and then roast for one hour or until golden. Trust me – best roast potatoes you'll ever have."Because, honestly, that would have been more legit than any complaints about what he'd just seen on the pitch.@williamwasteman
Advertisement