Emergency NBA Summer Vacation Watch: All-Star Break Edition

Ah yes, the February NBA drought. A cruel time in a crueler month where a week goes by with nary a game in sight. It’s natural to feel edgy, but do not lose heart, for in this desolate week can also come a golden oasis filled with sun, sand, many contemplative photos of the ocean, and at least one obligatory trip to Disneyland. It’s the NBA All-Star Break and folks, we’ve got an emergency return of NBA Summer Vacation Watch on our hands.

Starting strong with the crowned king of summer vacations himself. Patty continues to be a walking billboard for board shorts and proof that you never have to go too far in this life without somehow finding a beach—they’re honestly everywhere, and Patty has been to all of them. Here he is in Hawaii spending his mid-season respite wisely, the GOAT of good times appropriately catching a goatfish with his bare hands.

Rating: Practically prescriptive. Looking at Patty Mills' Instagram long enough will cure your S.A.D.

Here’s Evan hanging out in a hammock in the ocean somewhere. No idea what this thing is attached to, but if you told me this was what Atlantis looked like, I’d believe you.

Rating: If the Catholic Church ever considers a rebrand they should start calling heaven an all-inclusive resort and use this as the lead photo.

Hassan is in Jamaica, playing Bob Marley from his phone and taking videos of the sunset, swearing this has got to be the best one he’s ever seen, as one does.

Rating: A misappropriated Bob Marley quote over a green, yellow, and red peace sign that’s morphing into a weed leaf.

Bucking the standard winter convention of traveling toward the equator, DeAndre has instead gone all the way to literally winter itself, a.k.a. Iceland. I love to picture him riding a shaggy and determined Icelandic pony up the side of a volcanic hill to take a dip in a steaming hot spring, belting the beginning of "Big Time Sensuality" to the hrikalegt land for miles, but that’s why they pay me the big bucks to write these and inspire people.

Rating: Bolludagur, Thorrablót, and Sprengidagur, all rolled into one.

JaVale got Disneyland duty this week but he seemed to make it work, wearing some Minnie Mouse ears and taking calls in a cartoon warehouse. Contrary to what this picture might make you believe, no child was mistakenly shipped to Goofy’s Bounce House, and the Gag Factory exceeded their quota for the week.

Rating: There’s a new Mayor of Mickey’s Toontown… in town.

Où es Timothé? Il visite les Bahamas, avec un cochon nageant et un gros lézard. Ce que c'est drôle!

Rating: C’est bon!

If there’s one thing Spencer didn’t take a break from this week, it was cooking! Dinwiddie took his talents off the court and onto the soundstage kitchen with an appearance on one of his favorite shows, Rachel Ray. He made some fajitas. He said it was nice.

Rating: A lack of scorching hot sun, but a spicy sizzler that satisfies nonetheless.

Here’s my sweet prince taking care of his sweet prince at a resort somewhere (my summer sleuth skills are incredibly ravenous this time of year but also you can tell because he’s wearing an all-inclusive wristband). The ocean is just yonder, much like the return of the regular season.

Rating: Would have loved to see some smiles here but we are in a Capital Vitamin D Deprivation drought so any old cerulean scene will do.

I have no idea where Zaza is and don’t care. It does appear, however, that he seems to be hanging off a cliff somewhere, which is very on brand for an evil villain.

Rating: One cliffhanger I am fine to miss the ending of.

Bembry was in a pool in Miami with his stunna shades on. JK, I believe these are Gucci. I’m not going to feel too bad for him because I’ve worn a scarf every day since November, but have you ever seen a pool look so lonely? Who took this? Why aren’t they in there with him? Why isn’t anyone?

Rating: A Marco Polo match for one.

Juan and Willy got lost in Mexico despite being right exactly there the moment this photo was taken. It’s a sad loss for the league but a boon for Mexican telenovelas, where this drama will play out for a decade or however long it takes them to get to China and sign new deals there, whichever comes first.

Rating: It’s called ¿Hermano Dónde Estamos? and it sweeps every category of the TVyNovelas for seven years straight.

T-flight has dug himself a fine hole in Nassau and he wants the world to see.

Rating: The new move is deleting all your other photos off the ‘Gram except the ones of you on vacation, so even your lurkers feel the burn.

Opting to potentially road trip this past All-Star break, Danny Green tooted around the Antelope Canyons in northern Arizona. The Spurs as an organization seem to be great at vacations, likely due to a strong enforcement of a healthy work/life balance policy and employing the patron saint of putting another shrimp on this barbie called life, Patty Mills.

Rating: Probably five days and four hours less than 127 Hours, but that’s about as much time as you’d want to spend in a remote subterranean canyon anyway.

Two Pats is making sure that you know he’s on vacation here, with only the foreground in focus and the Mexican sun shining just so on his Solo cup. While I would have loved to see a brighter top here, the look is extremely casual and true to what ends up happening on vacation: you pack with the greatest sartorial intentions but end up wearing the same thing every day.

Rating: A cameo appearance on ¿Hermano Dónde Estamos? in the dramatic role of a beach vendor selling compasses who comes too late, narrowly missing the Brothers Hernangómez.

Here we are rounding the contemplative-staring bend of the bunch. Reggie's getting introspective staring at one of the seas here. Hard to say where that water’s been, where it’s going, if he’ll go in it again and have to dry his feet off again before putting his shoes back on.

Rating: "You have to reach the point."

"What point?"

"The point right before you break."

Dewayne was hanging out in the Cayman Islands, staring appreciatively out at the Caribbean Sea, at the lunch buffet set up on the lawn, at the good work the resort’s animation team is doing—basically anything he can lay his eyes on, and he’s doing so wistfully.

Rating: The sweet freedom of getting that stiff, biting plastic all-inclusive bracelet snapped on.

Behold, Allen Crabbe, in awe and a pair of appropriately ripped jeans.

Rating: Vaya con dios.