Kobe Bryant Wants You to Fuck Off for Reminding Him He's 40 Years Old

Kobe Bryant turned 40 today, and you might've thought the man had died. The eulogies well wishes have been pouring in from everywhere. You would almost think that he made more than 45 percent of his field goals or something.

Just take a look at this vigil. Dwyane Wade kicked things off a day early with a full-on tribute to the man:

Then Lamar Odom gave his own very sweet shoutout, too:

Then the PR accounts rolled out their customary brou-haha:

Then the jokes came:

And there were also a shitload of highlight reels. But the clearest winner on the day was Kobe's wife Vanessa. It seems like she just gets him.

Big ups, Black Mamba. May you live to see another 59 + 🖕.