Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports
Three Stars of Comedy
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We'll give it a C+. Now stop licking people, you little weirdo.The second star: This fan – OK, now that is the week's funniest Brad Marchand joke.
The first star: Shea Weber – It was a rough week on Twitter for the Habs, and I can't say I have any idea what's supposed to be happening here. But check out Weber, behind the table on the right.
He's clearly been told to dance, but he doesn't want to dance and doesn't know how to dance. I've never identified with a professional athlete more than right now.
Debating the Issues
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Obscure Former Player of the Week
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Be It Resolved
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Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown
- We pick up the action about 14 minutes into the second, with the Leafs leading by five. The game is basically already over, but the two teams are still going end-to-end because that's the only way anyone knew how to play hockey in 1993.
- Our clip begins with everyone going "Oh yeah, John Cullen was on the 1992-93 Leafs." By the way, our play-by-play voice for this clip is Bob Cole, which I don't have to tell you will make everything that's about to happen roughly a million times better.
- The Maple Leafs shoot the puck into the Blues' zone on a typical dump and chase. But this is a Norris Division game, so there are more hits in the next few seconds than we see in most full games today. Eventually, three players stop throwing checks long enough to realize the puck has ended up at center ice. Two of those players are Maple Leafs, so it's an odd-man rush.
- Those two Leafs are Wendel Clark and Glenn Anderson, who I'm just going to go ahead and assume is humming "The Leafs Are The Best" throughout this entire play.
- At this point, Clark winds up for a slapshot, and every Maple Leaf fan in the world knows exactly what's going to happen—he's faking the shot to set up a pass. We know this because Clark has been in the league for eight years at this point and has literally never taken a single slapshot in his entire career. He never had to, because he could put a wrist shot through a goaltender's chest. To be honest, we weren't even sure he knew how to take a slapshot. What would even happen if he ever tried?
- Oh.
- So yeah, Clark lets it rip, he hits Joseph right between the eyes, and Joseph's head falls off. [Does math.] Yeah, the physics checks out on this one.
- The Gardens crowd, not surprisingly, doesn't have much sympathy, and they cheer louder for this than any of the goals that night. Were we all horrible people in the early 90s? I think we may have been. Ah well. Shout-out to the one fan who reacts to the play by clapping directly in front of the camera.
- What comes next is my favorite moment of the entire sequence. Joseph pops up, apparently somehow still alive, and he tries to no-sell the whole thing like he's the Ultimate Warrior. It's actually a spectacularly bad-ass moment, right up until the point where Curt Giles runs over to give him a big hug. You can actually see Joseph try to turn away, but Giles isn't having it. He chases him into the corner like a concerned helicopter mom. It's adorable.
- By the way, I have no idea what the St. Louis Blues did to Wendel Clark in a previous lifetime, but he apparently devoted his life to getting revenge.
- Joseph eventually shakes off Giles and skates around trying to look tough while periodically checking to see if his ear is still attached. This would be a good time to remind you that this is the same series in which Mike Foligno kicked him in the face. I feel like every modern-day goalie who tries to draw an interference call by flailing around for ten minutes every time they feel any contact should have to go the penalty box for two minutes to watch old clips of Joseph shrugging off attempted beheadings.
- My second favorite moment in the clip: Joseph still playing the tough guy when Kerry Fraser comes over and briefly makes him laugh. Poor guy just wants to look cool in front of his friends, and he has to deal with mom hugs and dad jokes. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE YOU GUYS ARE SO EMBARRASSING.
- "The mask saves Curtis Joseph's life." Man, no kidding. Some things were better in the old days, but I feel like "Nobody's head explodes into a cloud of mist from a slapshot" was an improvement.
- And with that, our clip ends. The Leafs scored another goal about one minute after this play, mainly because Joseph instinctively climbed over the glass and fled the arena as soon as they crossed the red line.
- Epilogue: Clark tried really hard not to murder anybody for the rest of the series. Joseph finished the game and went on to a long career that included two stops in Toronto. Giles is still following him around trying to hug him to this day. And Fraser was so traumatized by what he'd witnessed that he vowed to shut his eyes the next time he thought someone was going to get hit in the face.