Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports
Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports
Three Stars of Comedy
The second star: This kid at the John Tavares meetings – I mean, he's 100 percent a plant by the Islanders or Maple Leafs, right? He has to be.
The first star: This baby enjoying nap time – This baby can stickhandle in his crib, which means he'll grow up to be an NHL player. Most babies can only cry all night and then soil themselves, which means they'll grow up to be Senators fans.
Advertisement
Outrage of the week
But here's the thing: Based on what the Builder category is meant to represent, Bettman is clearly a Hall-of-Famer. It's not even close. We're talking a Wayne Gretzky-level lock. There's a good case to be made that Bettman is the single most influential person in NHL history.Has all of that influence been positive? Not remotely. The pushback around Bettman's concussion stance has been especially strong. But we're talking about a Builder category that includes people like Harold Ballard. The honor has always been largely about how large a shadow a person cast over the game. And nobody's shadow has been bigger than Bettman's.The only real problem you can have here is the timing. For one, Bettman is still very much active, with no signs that he'll be leaving the job anytime soon. Players have to be retired for three years before they make the Hall, so it seems unfair that Bettman can waltz in while he's still working. But that's how the Builder category works. It always has. So that objection doesn't get us anywhere.
Advertisement
The HHOF Actually Got Something Right
Advertisement
Obscure Former Player of the Week
Advertisement
Be It Resolved
I don't think I have to tell you that this is a great idea, and the NHL needs to immediately steal it.
Advertisement
Classic YouTube Clip Breakdown
- It's June 26, 2009, and the hockey world has gathered in Montreal for the entry draft. The Islanders are on the clock with the first overall pick, and they're about to unveil their selection. It's a big moment.
- Also, this video promises to take us "behind the scenes." I hope teenage Tavares doesn't get too crazy!
- We open with Garth Snow, looking roughly 40 years younger than he did last season, announcing the pick. It's easy to forget now, but there was some genuine suspense around the 2009 top pick, with rumors that the Islanders might want Victor Hedman or Matt Duchene.
- Snow totally plays into that—note the little dramatic pause before he drops the name. NHL GMs, this is how you handle the first overall pick. I'd like to see somebody go even further. Take your time. Try to get a chant going. Look around the crowd, then point out the player personally. Pull a Bobby Clarke and forget the name. Let Garth be your guide.
- We cut to Tavares, who looks exactly the same as he does today. Seriously, he hasn't aged a minute. I think John Tavares might be a host, you guys.
- We get a quick shot of Tavares saying hello to the Islanders' draft party, which for a moment looks like it's just an empty room before we realize he's talking into a camera that's broadcasting back to the arena. Note: This is the last good news that Islanders fans would see on a scoreboard for the next decade.
- Next up is Tavares getting a congratulatory call from Rick DiPietro, which pretty much perfectly captures the yin and yang of the modern Islander fan experience.
- Did anyone else see this and feel vaguely surprised that Rick DiPietro was still an Islander in 2009? He's one of those players we all remember, but whose specific era is impossible to pinpoint. I feel like you could tell me that DiPietro played his last game as an Islander any year between 2007 and 2016 and I'd be like "Yeah, that sounds about right."
- Next up is a call from Kyle Okposo, which Tavares hilariously begins with "Hey bud." I'm glad I'm not the only one who uses that as their go-to greeting for any person they have absolutely no recollection of ever speaking to before.
- "I'm excited." Yeah, we can all tell.
- The camera swings over at the 1:04 mark and it briefly looks like we've panned to a second John Tavares doing interviews. There's two of him! I'm telling you, he's clearly a host. Somebody slice into his arm before he signs a new contract just to be sure.
- That press conference shot of Tavares with an Islanders' logo hovering over one shoulder and a Maple Leafs' logo hovering over the other is what we in the business call ironic foreshadowing.
- Speaking of the Leafs, I just want to point out that this was the same draft in which Brian Burke stared down booing Habs fans and shot down the Senators' trade offer. I miss the Burke-as-GM era so much.
- We cut to some autographs, and then the traditional awkward photo shoot, which includes Tavares having to sit on top of a hockey net in his dress pants. Then we see Tavares congratulating Hedman, who leans in and whispers "See you in nine years" before confused Islanders staff whisk him away.
- We get some footage of Tavares being interviewed, which briefly threw me off because I missed the jump cut and thought he answered the question "What does it feel like to hear your name chosen number one" with "A little bit." Now I kind of want to see hockey players start doing that. "What do you have to do in the second period to turn things around?" "Probably nine."
- Hey look, it's Tavares and Hedman holding up fingers to signify where they were drafted, and Duchene holding up fingers to show how many teams he'll play for from 2017 to 2019.
- Tavares heads up to the family area, and we get another one of those swing cuts that makes it look like there's more than one of him. I wonder if anyone at this week's presentations tried to slip in a "Freeze all motor functions" just to see what would happen.
- My favorite moment is the family photo, in which a desperate photographer is trying to get "big smiles" out of Tavares, who is clearly not capable of that. He's trying, god bless him, but it's just not working for him, and the photographer ends up openly laughing at him.
- Next comes what has to be the most awkward moment for any new draft pick: Meeting the team's fans. In what has to qualify as a bad omen, the first guy Tavares sees is rocking a Mike Comrie shirt. Tavares greets him with the same enthusiasm he had for Kyle Okposo. There's at least a 60 percent chance he thinks it is Kyle Okposo.
- Where do you think Tavares ranks on the scale of people in the world who wouldn't want to be hugged by a random stranger? Like, is he first, or just tied for first?
- And that's it. We close with Tavares reflecting on the day, and making that face where your programming glitches and you suddenly have a vision of what the next nine years will look like: