There's Something Fishy About the FA's Investigation into Sexism

There's something fishy about the way England's Football Association investigates claims of sexism at one of the world's biggest clubs by one of the world's most famous managers. I can't quite put my finger on it, but something about it is just a little…off.

Oh, I know what it is. Everything. Everything about it is fishy.

In a statement, Eva Carneiro, the former Chelsea team doctor who left the club after being demoted by manager Jose Mourinho for doing her job, said the FA never asked her for a statement or an interview and had "chosen to ignore" some of the evidence.

"I was surprised to learn that the FA was allegedly investigating the incident of 8 August via the press," her statement reads. "I was at no stage requested by the FA to make a statement. I wonder whether this might be the only formal investigation in this country where the evidence of the individuals involved in the incident was not considered relevant. Choosing to ignore some of the evidence will surely influence the outcome of the findings."

Indeed, the FA's investigations tend to be shrouded in mystery. On September 18, several media outlets including the Guardian reported that the FA was "studying video evidence" of sexist abuse, which may or may not mean they watched a Vine taken from the sideline showing Mourinho flipping a shit. Then, two days ago, the FA cleared Mourinho.

"The matter was brought to the attention of the FA on Sept. 8 and led to the appointment of an independent academic expert in Portuguese linguistics to analyse the footage of the incident which included the audio recording," the FA announced. "After receiving the report from the expert, the FA is satisfied that the words used do not constitute discriminatory language under FA Rules.

"Furthermore, both the words used, as translated and analysed by the independent expert, and the video evidence, do not support the conclusion that the words were directed at any person in particular. Consequently, on the evidence available to it, the FA will take no further action in relation to this matter."

What does all this mean? It means, hilariously, that the FA consulted a linguistic expert to interpret audio and video of Mourinho swearing like it's the fucking Dead Sea Scrolls, and not the person he was very clearly shouting at (see the Vine above). If the FA was trying to get multiple perspectives in the investigation, it clearly is not interested in Carneiro's.

Deeming a woman's perspective irrelevant during an investigation into sexism is the kind of sad irony that's all too common across the soccer world. "It is incidents such as these‎ and the lack of support from the football authorities that make it so difficult for women in the game," Carneiro wrote in her statement, referring also to an incident at a West Ham match when she was the subject of verbal abuse, as has been well documented during her tenure at Chelsea. Manchester United and Manchester City fans have shouted "get your tits out for the lads" and Arsenal fans chanted "have you ever had a Gooner up your arse." The Mirror also includes this choice phrasing from a United fan: "Show us where you p**s from, you s**g, show us your m***e." As an American, I don't even know what those starred words could be. I wonder what linguistic expert they brought in for that.

Update: the FA has since responded to Carneiro's statement:

"We have never received any information or complaint from Dr Carneiro. Including in written correspondence with her lawyers, it has been made explicitly clear that if Dr Carneiro had evidence to provide or wished to make a complaint she was more than welcome to do so. That route remains open."