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Teenage Kicks, Teenage Angst: Previewing Chelsea vs. Manchester United

In Antonio Conte and Jose Mourinho, Chelsea and United have perhaps the two angstiest managers in the top flight. This weekend, at least one of them is going to lose his shit.

When Manchester United travel to Stamford Bridge this Sunday, the game will be billed as Jose Mourinho's first chance for revenge. Having been sacked by Chelsea last December after a dire run of results which left them 16th in the Premier League, the 'Special One' certainly has some unpleasant memories to exorcise upon his return to West London, and neither his Chelsea legacy nor personal sentiment will stop him from wanting to chalk up a crushing win. With Cesc Fabregas, Diego Costa, Eden Hazard and the like still in the team, Mourinho will be coming up against a handful of players who were crucial in his departure, some of whom he was reported to have fallen out with quite emphatically on account of them behaving like sullen teenagers for the final few months of his time in charge. The chance to humiliate them on home turf is one he will relish, preferably with Roman Abramovich watching on.

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See, if there's one defining aspect of Mourinho's management at the moment, it is angst. He may have been toppled by teenage behaviour at Chelsea, but he's not averse to indulging the overgrown pre-teen within. In the absence of immediate success at United, he has resorted to his trademark position of 'me against the world'. Nothing is fair on him at the moment, whether it be the fixture list, referees or his players and their lacklustre performances. That is what motivates him, and that is why he will want a storming first game back at the Bridge.

Whether or not that angst will be enough to motivate his players is another question. One might argue that it was Mourinho's excessive surliness which came to define his downfall at Chelsea; many have suggested that the players felt stifled under what was an increasingly negative and paranoid regime. He certainly hasn't left behind his predilection for lashing out and snide asides in his post-match press conferences and – with United currently seventh in the table – perhaps it's time to change tack.

That said, the man in the opposite dugout on Sunday has a comparable penchant for angsty behaviour, even if it manifests itself more in his maniacal screaming in the technical area as opposed to barbs in the press room after the game.

What with the heavily charged atmosphere of Mourinho's homecoming and the relatively sluggish start of the two clubs, it's not hard to imagine things kicking off between him and Conte on the touchline. They have more angst between them than a monstrous amalgamation of Fight Club, The Catcher In The Rye and the entire back catalogue of Papa Roach, and they're about to contest a crucial match which could see huge pressure heaped on one or the other. Whether or not Stamford Bridge is capable of withstanding the combined nuclear blast of their rage, rancour and semi-suppressed testosterone, we're about to find out. With an enormous footballing mushroom cloud on the horizon, we may as well kick back, put on our sunnies and enjoy the show.