Platform:** PlayStation**
Publisher: Activision
Developer: Neversoft Since I was one of the reigning champs at the last THPS party we had, I figured the sequel would be more of the same and I would quickly be in need of some human competition after breezing through all the levels. Like a stupid person trying to get into law school, I was in for a big surprise. Each of the levels have about ten challenges and only a third are relatively straightforward to get, which means you have to use your money to buy new skills instead of blowing it on new digs or a hooker. While all the dead on control from the first game is maintained, TPHS 2 makes some logical changes that make the game more intricate and challenging. Unlike its predecessor, characters don’t ollie six feet high, it’s harder to land tricks switchstance and landing a benihana into a nose manual on a 45 degree slope gets you scars, not points. Once you get your shit on though, THPS 2 is that much more satisfying and makes you feel like sitting on your ass for three weeks is worth it. D2
*Platform:* Dreamcast
Publisher: Warp
Developer: Warp It’s rare that a movie scares the shit out of me. I can take hours of gore and suspense as long as it’s not marred by half-wit dialog or crap zaniness like Evil Dead 2. D2 however, in the new tradition of horror-games, frightened my ass off. After the first few hours I had to stop – not because I was tired, but because it was getting dark and I was literally scared to be alone. Although the in-level monsters can get a little repetitive, when a dead stewardess’ face parts not-so-cleanly after speaking in tongues, you get a little frazzled. Scary as it may be, the game has its drawbacks. Although the countless lush cinematics add a lot to the story, they sometimes get so flaky that you itch for a fast forward button. The height of pain was listening to one of the lonelier characters play a tape of her Café Ass style singing and poetry. Another disappointment, in the tradition of T&A horror flicks, was the boss who ends up naked after shedding her bath towel. Shooting at a mutant with a naked Barbie doll figure is definitely a low point for gaming, on any platform. Royal Rumble This is the wrestling game that wants to be all about breaking the rules. Every wrestler has a partner whose job it is to stand outside the ring and fuck with you while you are not looking. Foreign objects are everywhere. Five guys will suddenly come out of nowhere and start kicking you in the nuts and then run away. It kind of doesn’t make sense and I kept waiting for Kindo Nagasake to jump out and blow some of that Oriental smoke in my eyes and blind me. If Royal Rumble backed all this up with some quality gameplay, it might be worth wading through all the nonsense. The graphics are initially impressive – the wrestlers are huge and they don’t lose anything when the camera moves in on them. But then, they don’t gain anything either: up close their faces look like dead people and they all move around the ring like special kids. The controls are less than intuitive also. For your first few fights you will probably only be able to execute two moves: the “slap” and the “hug.” Neither is very effective so just mash the buttons and maybe a suplex or something will happen. One of the biggest control problems is that the computer carries out a movement for every single time you hit a button and you can’t stop a move by starting a new one. So, for example, if you have been tapping the A-button too much you will find yourself swinging at the air in front of you while Mankind is behind you about to shove his sock puppet up your ass. Wrestling games are best for getting drunk, creating a couple of androgynous 1,000-pounds-of-love-dot-com-types, giving them funny names and trying to get them to make love in the ring. Royal Rumble has no create-a-player option so forget this. Actually, forget the whole game. Secret hint: In a Royal Rumble, wait until the computer puts someone over the ropes. While they are hanging there, step in and kick them in the groin until they fall. You will get credit for the elimination!