Someone Please Tell the Bachelor That Kissing Is an Eyes-Closed Activity

Matt James, the perfectly fine lead on this season of The Bachelor, has one notable weakness. Maybe you’ve noticed it: The man cannot stop kissing with his eyes open. Not even merely parted, split just slightly like a garage door that won’t quite shut all the way, but pretty much 25 percent, he’s looking at something-level open. What I’m saying is it’s not the openness of negligence, but a seemingly intentional move.

For his entire life, we must presume, he has been kissing this way, looking at his partner’s nose hairs, and somehow no one—not even the producers on The Bachelor—has stopped him. Why do this? It’s an odd choice in real life and in the fake life one leads on reality television. Why aren’t the producers intervening, like, Hey, Matt James, stop that? Shouldn’t somebody do something? Also, what is anyone looking at, at this close range? An array of blackheads? Maybe a few stray hairs you missed the last time you tweezed the brows? 

Despite some public defense of the open-eye kiss, Matt James’s choice is atypical, according to both science and popular knowledge. Just as an example, the WikiHow for How to Kiss instructs that the very first step of kissing is to “close your eyes”. A separate WikiHow (titled How to Kiss Passionately) offers more detailed instructions: “Close your eyes to heighten the intimacy and to avoid looking at the pores on your partner's nose. Imagine your eyes are being controlled by a dimmer switch.” 

The reasons for closing your eyes while kissing are so obvious that scientific surveys asking whether open or closed is better aren’t even readily available. There is, however, science explaining why closing the eyes while kissing is the correct choice. According to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: Human Perception and Performance, our brains can’t focus as much on physical sensation when visual stimuli are involved. Or, in other words, as you are staring wide-eyed at your partner’s forehead/nose area, or even kind of gazing down at their upper lip, you are feeling the kiss you’re sharing less intensely, and therefore are plum missing out on one of life’s greatest joys.

Does Matt James know about this? Is he feeling the kisses he performs 10-15 percent less intensely than his partners? Adding in the show’s other distractions—20 other girlfriends sitting nearby, all those cameras, producers asking about your every move—we have to wonder if Matt James is feeling the kisses at all. 

The open-eye kiss has youth pastor energy. If the open-eye kiss could speak, it would say, “I’m only interested in pursuing women I could see myself marrying and having children with.” The open-eye kiss insists on making intent eye contact for the duration of sex and making those sounds like, mmmmm, mmmmm, at all the wrong moments. The open-eye kiss sends a long text message, explaining why it has decided to dump you in order to pursue more serious courtships. Which, maybe this is exactly right for our Matt James! But if the open eyes are sending signals he doesn’t intend… well. 

The open-eye kiss is bad news, is what I’m saying. The closed-eye kiss, on the contrary, is cool. It says, Fuck it, I don’t care what you or I look like in this moment, as our tongues are vibing! The closed-eye kiss is trusting and intimate. The best things in life are unseen! A person should keep their eyes closed when kissing! If only the producers would let Matt James know. 

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