NBA Summer Vacation Watch: Randos in the Sun

Ah, deep August. The bulk of the big-ticket vacations taken, memories fading to a minimum three-line scroll down an Instagram profile, jean shorts folded tenderly and tucked away in exchange for high performance gym clothes. If there's any All-Star that's yet to make a summer getaway (looking at you, Jimmy Butler) it'll likely be in the next couple weeks but this, now, is the deep lull season for the starting rotations, heck even the bench.

But fear not, for in times of summer scarcity there can always be a half-deflated beach ball to be found. I'm talking randos, folks. The guys who when you do deep roster dives you maaaaaybe remember their face from a mid-season surprise trade—or was it an endorsement deal for a local, highly specific restaurant chain? Who can keep track? Wherever you know them from, they take vacations too.

This little Wizard rode a jet ski hands free but at the same time looked pretty nervous about it.

Rating:
Effort
Attire
Red
No hands
Eeeek
Salt water
Truth is he's going about 3mph

I will let you in on a secret. If you are ever unsure if a player is a rando, just observe if they create truthers wherever they go. Truthers are fans who blame the demise of their team—forever—on the player they probably never would have heard of in the first place if they weren't signed for half a season. Lou Williams has a high truther following who will probably say the dismal conditions for migrant workers tasked to building Dubai's ever-expanding skyline is because Lou left. I'm a vacation truther though, and we never actually see Williams on a camel of his own, do we?

Rating: A lot to digest.

One of 25 active Plumlees in the league tried to distinguish himself from the others by taking in some culture. It didn't work because we all know I'm Googling "which Plumlee is not a replicant?"

Rating: Blade Runner 2049 out in theaters this fall.

Have you looked at Jarrett Allen's smile this summer? Can you imagine if you were the sun and the first thing you saw when you came to from being dunked on by the moon was a smile of such singularity squinting up at you? If any of you felt weird after this week's solar eclipse it's probably because the sun fainted when Jarrett Allen smiled at it.

Rating: Total eclipse of my heart!

Miiiiiister Jones and me, met some kangaroos at the Minnesota Zoo.

Rating: They're lookin' at you, man there's got to be a marsupial for me.

Some people might argue that J.J. Reddick isn't a rando, but to those people I would say: please call J.J.'s family and let them know he appears to be trapped in a restaurant or bodega vestibule.

Rating: The Chronicles of Reddick continue with this sort of shitty interlude.

Spence got his Kate Winslet and cheeseburger swim shorts on in the choppy waters of Lake Washington, exploding trade and time travel rumors when he wore his uncle Steve Hawes's old Hawks jersey.

Rating: This lineage lovin', burger wearing combo is just missing a cold one, could somebody crack one for him?

Would Meyers Leonard be more interesting to you if you found out he was the son of a Meyers lemon mogul, and he was set to inherit the world of big lemon? How about if you found out he was a Meyers lemon? Same. Unfortunately he's just a tall man who is spending his summer blocking the view of people who paid good money for these tickets to see Hamilton.

Rating: Please contact me if you have any interest backing my new musical about the orphan Meyers Leonard growing up to learn he is actually a lemon set to have it all.

Courtney Lee, a Libra currently playing for franchise number seven of his jet settin' career, met some lion cubs in my ideal outfit. Is he headed on an archeological dig or just to the movies later? The summer mysteries of a rando.

Rating: If you can't go on safari, let the safari come to you.

I'm just including this because even though Gallinari's 'gram bio is "Professional Basketball Athlete," he is basically as Rando Calrissian as they come and even he climbed Machu Picchu this summer!

Rating: Look, I hate to break it to you but if you haven't climbed anything bigger than a drainage ditch, do you even summer?

My summer instincts (the season might be fading but they are always tuned in) tell me Bembry was eating a banana popsicle and it was way too cold for him.

Rating: Five seconds of brain freeze on behalf of the superior popsicle flav—worth it!

Another DeAndre ate another, bigger frozen dessert but seemed to have a better time navigating the whole thing.

Rating: Seven seconds of brain freeze with a main squeeze—worth it!

Meeting animals was almost as big this summer as summiting giant mountains! Dario met some bored deer and had a tough time getting any of them interested in a cob of corn. Don't worry Dario, we've all been there.

Rating: Good news for my enemy Jason Kidd, Šarić really seems to fear the deer.

Shelvin took his whole family to the Bahamas and dabbed on his way down into a swimming pool. Out of all the randos he is doing it right.

Rating: Plato and Shelvin have at least one thing in common, they loved the vacation destination of the Cove Atlantis Luxury Resort.

The NBA is adding a new, third team to the All-Star game this year called the Rando Commandos and Klay is the captain. They will primarily be on the court dressed as debilitating injuries, like mascots, and the players on the East and West teams will have to avoid being tagged by them as they play. Anyway, Klay flew around on a jet ski and actually looked like he was having a pretty good time.

Rating: This ball of Klay's heating up!

Follow Katie Heindl on Twitter @wtevs