​Petr Cech Wins Czech Player of the Year Award for a Record Eighth Time

Arsenal may have managed to horribly cock up yet another season, but that hasn't stopped Petr Cech from claiming a record eighth Czech Player of the Year Award.

In a poll of the country's players, journalists, coaches and football federation officials, Cech comfortably beat compatriots David Lafata (last year's winner) and Vladimir Darida to the accolade. Having just about kept Arsenal fans sane this season with a series of match-winning performances, you might feel that he deserves a bit of recognition.

Well, don't.

Sure, Cech has been absolutely fantastic since joining the North London club. We've got nothing but praise for his performances. Unfortunately, when it comes to the Czech Player of the Year Award, he's now just ruining it for everybody else.

In the last 10 years, there have only been three occasions when Cech hasn't won the thing. He's basically sent the Czech Player of the Year Award into an irreversible spiral of hyperinflation, devaluing it with his constant excellence. If things continue this way, every household in the Czech Republic will have 15 trophies engraved with the name "Petr Cech" by the year 2025. It may as well be called "The Petr Cech Award" at this point.

Petr Čech triumfoval v anketě Fotbalista roku již poosmé! pic.twitter.com/dEnDxrqATW
— Fotbalová repre ČR (@fotbalova_repre) March 21, 2016

Gaze into Petr's eyes as he brandishes the rough-cut slab of granite that passes as this year's award. He looks proud, sure, but he also looks like he's thinking: "I'm going to need to extend my underground storage bunker."

For the sake of the Czech Player of the Year Award – for the sake of its fundamental integrity – we implore you: stop giving it to Petr Cech. He knows he's the Czech Player of the Year. He knows he's the Czech Player of the Decade. More than that, he knows he stands tall on a godlike pedestal in the pantheon of Czech football legends.

He gets all of that. Now, just stop it.