ESPN's Sal Paolantonio Tells Women How They Feel About Tom Brady and Deflategate

After Bill Belicheck and Tom Brady's take-no-blame press conferences yesterday, the sports community is left searching for answers, leaving room for the most elaborate and desperate assumptions as to what or who could possibly be responsible for deflating Brady's balls. This truth-seeking continued on Colin Cowherd's The Herd, where ESPN reporter Sal Paolantonio offered up what can only be described as the most mind blowing and thought provoking insight into Brady's role in DeflateGate and the repercussions that will plague his very existence.

In 12 seconds flat—rather fitting, eh?—Paolantino manages to make a statement that provokes laughter, dumbfound-ness, frustration, and pure awe. Forget the possibility that the Super Bowl bound Patriots' quarterback may or may not have threatened the integrity of the sport; the real victim here is all the women who believed in what Tom Brady stood for in his cozy, overpriced Uggs. His brand is ruined. Deflated, even.

As a victim of Tom Brady's cheating ways, there are no words to express how much I dread the remainder of these cold winter months. Because of Paolantonio's eye-opening reminder that cheating is not something us women like, I will refrain from wearing my camel, salt-encrusted Uggs, knowing the only warmth they'll provide is the burning sensation of betrayal. Whatever the Colts are feeling now is nothing compared to the trust issues us shoe-loving women now have to face for the rest of the Ugg-wearing season.

So thank you, Mr. Paolantonio. Without your psychological analysis of how women feel and what they want, I would have continued to sit here giggling with the boys about all the ball-squeezing references.

[H/T BarStoolSports]