Matt Bonner Announces His Retirement in Wistful Mumblecore Film

I made a video. pic.twitter.com/NQSvvCnhD5
— Matt Bonner (@MattBonner_SAS) January 6, 2017

Former San Antonio Spurs forward Matt Bonner is a lovably weird dude. That's just kind of his deal. The Red Rocket—or the Red Mamba, as Kobe once dubbed him—announced his retirement today at the age of 36. And he certainly did it on his own terms: in a low-budget mumblecore, indie-looking short from his Twitter account. While eating a sandwich.

Bonner—who was once given the distinction as the 19th smartest man in pro sports—decided to go with a quirky, Wes Anderson-esque exit with The Walkmen playing in the background, closing out on the lyrics "it's time to fly into the mystery." Solidly indie choices all around. Bonner also shows plenty of love for his native Concord, New Hampshire, as he strolls through the scenery, ending up at the local gym where he's been training recently, giving a pump fake on one of his famous threes, and instead going up for one of his less-famous dunks. It's nostalgic and very nice.

Bonner wasn't just known for his quirkiness, though. In the 2010-11 season, he had the highest three-point field goal percentage in the league, and will go out well represented on the career leader board for the Spurs in several categories, including: total games, 632 (eighth); three-point percentage, .413 (fifth); effective shooting percentage, .571 (third); and first in lowest turnover percentage, 7.1. Not bad for the 6'10" forward.

Among other notable things that Bonner has done:

• He ran a sandwich blog, with the quest of seeking the "hoagie grail."
• He apparently really likes Andy Kaufmann.
• He once had a tiny house built for him for a reality TV show.
• There is a Bonner Challenge that involves a very specific sequence of shots.
• He once landed a shoe deal with New Balance via Twitter Hustle, only to wear their prototype in a game against their advice, and have it explode on him.
• He once had an Anchor Man-themed birthday party with Stephen Jackson.

Needless to say, you'll be missed, Bonner. Red Mamba out.