The Future of Stag Parties? We Played Seven-A-Side With Paul Merson

This story originally appeared on VICE Sports UK.

Stag parties have become increasingly elaborate affairs in recent decades. Whereas it was once seen as more than sufficient to get absolutely plastered at your local and then chain the stripped-naked groom to the nearest railings painted purple, the modern stag is altogether more refined. Sure, copious amounts of alcohol can still be part and parcel of the party, but the events have evolved to include activities such as go-karting, a day at the races, or even trips abroad.

And how about this for something to add to that list: playing a game of football with one of your childhood heroes.

That's now a reality through Play With A Legend, a company setup by former Arsenal man Perry Groves and his business partner, Josh Landy. And while stag dos are one of the occasions they cater for, the company will put on a game for whatever you like — be it a birthday, corporate event, or a simple desire to go toe-to-toe with a retired footballing legend.

The concept is straightforward. You and your mates get to play a game with a couple of ex-pros selected from their growing roster and, just as importantly, sit down for a beer and a chat with them afterwards.

"I used to work with Josh when he was a producer for Sports Night live on Sky," explains Perry. "A group of his mates were playing a game for a stag weekend and the stag's favourite players was Nigel Winterburn. So he asked if Nigel could play as a guest in their game. Nigel said yeah, obviously we paid a fee for the game, and they loved it. It was a great surprise for the stag: his hero comes and plays, with one team in an Arsenal kit and the other Spurs, so it was a little bit lively. We stayed for a few beers afterwards and they just wanted to ask about football: what happened in the George Graham era and all that. It worked really well."

This spawned a second game, which saw Groves suit up in an Arsenal kit and ex-Tottenham man Steve Sedgley don Spurs colours. After this, Groves and Landy decided to take the plunge.

"We said 'there's a business here if we can organise this properly.' Josh is brilliant at organising, admin, the computer side of it — I'm useless at all that — and obviously my links were into the ex-players, Merse being a great example.

While we speak to Groves, the familiar figure of Paul Merson is sat alongside him. A two-time league title winner and a vital part of Arsenal's early '90s combination of on-pitch brilliance and off-field excess, the former England international is among the biggest names on the Play With A Legend roster.

Merson and Groves are old mates, their friendship stretching back to their time together at Highbury, which began in the late '80s. Three decades on they're still friends and, when we spoke with them, still taking the piss out of each other like 19-year-olds. Merson tells us he's playing Sunday league football this season, having recently joined a new veterans side, to which Groves enquires as to whether it's walking football that Paul has taken up. Merson waves an arm dismissively, having heard the same kind of gag a thousand times. But Groves isn't finished: "Mind you, you was playing that at Portsmouth, weren't you?"

The self-deprecating dynamic is still there – and Groves believes this sort of thing is crucial to the success of his business.

"All the players on the website — I think there's about 80 now — are good lads. And we're all football fans. Working class boys who were lucky enough to play high-level football. We lived the dream of all these [fans].

"Most of the old lads we played with, they're good as gold. We don't want someone who turns up — no matter how big a star they are — plays the game and just goes 'cheers, see you later', as if they're doing people a favour to come and play. The lads love playing. That's why Merse still plays on Sundays."

Who doesn't love playing? We definitely do. So, to get a better idea for what the experience entails, VICE Sports got involved with in a seven-a-side game with Groves and Merson. As expected, it is a slightly surreal experience. Put aside the fact that they are roughly two decades older than anyone else on the team, and there is the fact that you're looking at Paul Merson a few yards away with the ball at his feet, staring at you and perhaps wondering if you look capable of doing anything useful with it.

Though unsurprisingly less nimble than in his heyday, when the ball drops to him Merson still has the muscle memory to make you feel very inferior. Picking up the ball in the left-hand corner, he takes one look and pings it to the far right-hand side of the pitch where it lands dutifully at the feet of an unmarked teammate. He's taken four players out of the game, seemingly without much effort. It's also apparent that the legends aren't keen on smashing the ball home; they seem more interested in laying it off for a teammate to score.

And afterwards there are indeed beers and chat, while the man of the match receives a signed shirt presented by the legends. It's fun. You'd probably have to break a bone or two to go away feeling deflated.

(Yeah, that's right, VICE had fun and doesn't really have anything cynical to say about this. You can print that out and stick it on your wall).

So the concept works — but can it last long-term? Merson and the boys can all still play, but in five and certainly 10 years the legs will be increasingly creaky, and the 'three weeks of pain' Perry talks about suffering after a game will probably have doubled. More importantly, the generation of players who followed them may not be quite so up for kickabouts with punters. So what's the future?

"Hopefully Perry'll have a load of success and be a multi-millionaire!" Merson interjects.

Groves is more realistic. "I think that's what makes this unique. I don't think it'd be for players now. You'll get a few, because they love playing football. But I don't think most will want to do it, and also you're talking about multi-millionaires now. So it probably does have a shelf life."

Merson jumps in: "It's hard now for players. I don't know Wayne Rooney, but I'm sure he's a bundle of laughs. Seriously, I bet he's a great lad, but he can't express himself. If he ever goes out someone takes a picture of him or films him and the papers are asking 'what's he doing out, he's on 200 grand a week, he shouldn't be doing that.' And that's why professional footballers withdraw."

Groves remains confident about the long-term: "We're not just doing Play With A Legend football. We're doing boxing, cricket, other sports. Because a lot of lads would like to have an hour in a boxing gym with someone like Ricky Hatton. It's about the sporting experience. You love your sport, and you want to go see how elite they were."

The cricket side of things has already begun. Recently, a 30th birthday was celebrated with a 15-over game alongside former England international Ryan Sidebottom at Lord's. Given the less eye-popping sums earned outside football, there is arguably greater long-term potential in an expanded version of the platform.

For now, however, football retains the greatest appeal. The cast of players from which you can choose is just right: guys getting married or turning 30 in 2015 remember the Premier League of the mid-90s fondly. They're starting to think that the current incarnation — dripping with money and detached from the grassroots — is a bit seedy and intangible. So a chance to play alongside their old heroes — a few stone heavier but uncorrupted by the perceived evils of 'the modern game' — is hugely appealing.

It's tapping into a golden combination: the creeping nostalgia that begins in your late 20s, and the disposable income that remains pre-kids. That said, it's also executed extremely well and with a noticeable attention to detail. Crucially, the ethos feels pretty spot on, thanks to that 'no prima donnas' message put forward by Groves, which creates the right balance between 'customer' and 'one of the lads'. And of course, when Merse floats a ball that lands at your feet clean through on goal, it's hard not to feel just a little euphoric.

More info can be found at playwithalegend.com