As we prepare for another year of NFL football, let's take a look back at the highs and lows from 2014 for each team. Welcome to NFL Dos and Don'ts. If you missed one, you can read all our recaps right here.DoBefore we get down to business, fuck the Broncos. It is such an enormous, steaming pile of horseshit that these assholes get two quarterbacks of a generation in the same generation. They got Elway because he didn't want to play for the Colts and he forced a trade to Denver. Then they get Peyton Manning, also by way of the Colts, for nothing: the Colts just cut him because he was coming off neck surgery and coming into a ton of money, and Denver scooped him up. (While we're at it, fuck the Colts.) The Broncos didn't have to sit through a terrible season and wait for a top pick to get a quarterback who would almost certainly fail, kickstarting a vicious cycle of bad seasons and bad QB picks. In fact, the year before Manning's arrival, they actually got the only redeemable part of Tim Tebow's career—a guy who is currently trying to make it as a third-string quarterback after not playing for two years. They didn't even fall ass-backwards into a Hall of Famer in the late rounds like the Patriots did with Tom Brady. Straight cash; that's it. Sure, there were some lean years in between, but most teams never see one guy like that in their entire existence, and the Broncos got two. Yes, I am salty and I do not care.[deep breath]OK. The Broncos are pretty good. While an aging Manning may never be the MVP he once was, he's still a damn good quarterback, and he had some damn good weapons last year in Demaryius Thomas, "tight end" Julius Thomas, and Emmanuel Sanders. When you've got receivers like that, Do let them make beautiful catches like this:
We've got a team-unaffiliated Honorable Mention Do, but it happened on Broncos touchdown, so we are including it here. In their Week 14 game against the Buffalo Bills, there was a question whether the Broncos had actually scored on the play. After consulting with each other, the two referees responsible for the call gave each other a fist bump to congratulate each other on a job well done.
Teamwork is always a Do.Don't
Peyton Manning may be an expert at orchestrating game-winning drives, but when it comes to conducting actual musicians, he orche-struggles. BOOM! Fucking nailed it! Orchestruggle*. As you can see, Peyton is holding his baton upside down as he attempts to lead Colorado Symphony in a rendition of his jam, "Rocky Top." Don't hold your baton upside down when you're conducting—you'll never get called maestro that way.*Also, if we're being fair, Don't ever make bad portmanteaus like "orchestruggle," or bad puns like "an expert at orchestrating game-winning drives."
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