Jamie Vardy Calls His Own Lookalike “An Absolute Full-Kit Wanker”

While many still think that Leicester City's title win is the fairytale story of the week, that's a misapprehension. As dreamlike as their Premier League campaign has been, it has nothing on the sheer romance of Lee Chapman's Tuesday afternoon. Lee is a postman, and spends much of his life doing postman stuff. He wears shorts, he delivers letters, he picks up parcels and puts them into his red wheely box. He hangs out at the depot, he weighs the odd package, and he probably drinks lots of tea in the meantime. We imagine he enjoys watching Emmerdale when he gets home, sprawled out on the sofa after another long, hard day delivering heating bills to the elderly.

Lee isn't just a postman, however. He's also a massive Leicester City fan – and the country's leading Jamie Vardy lookalike.

On Tuesday morning, Lee sprinted his post round so that he could get to the King Power Stadium in time to catch a glimpse of his heroes as they departed for a celebratory lunch. However, in a glorious twist of fate, he was spotted by the players as they trundled through the cheering crowds in the team bus. Claudio Ranieri personally hauled him onto the vehicle, before he was introduced to the squad. Then, it was time for the moment that – even in his most blissful reveries – he never thought would come.

Lee Chapman, Jamie Vardy lookalike, was introduced to actual, proper Jamie Vardy. Lee Chapman, Jamie Vardy lookalike, witnessed his wildest dreams come true. He beheld the uncannily familiar features of his idol, his champion, his personal deity. As he caught sight of his hero's face – a mirror image of his own – Lee must have felt temporarily complete.

Unfortunately, Vardy then punctuated the sheer, unadulterated beauty of the moment with the words: "YOU'RE AN ABSOLUTE FULL-KIT WANKERRRRRR!"

Jamie Vardy calling his lookalike an absolute full kit wanker. pic.twitter.com/XpEGRcXBbw
— Football Vines (@FootballVines) May 4, 2016

In fairness, Lee was wearing full Leicester kit. He's a Jamie Vardy lookalike, so it comes with the territory. While the majority of grown men are rightly condemned for wearing a full football strip in public, Lee can just about get away with it on account of his eerie resemblance to his favourite footballer. There was no need for Vardy to call him "an absolute full kit wanker." In fact, Vardy's remark seemed rather hurtful.

While Lee took the comment in his stride, it was hard not to feel that it left him a little crestfallen. Having met his hero, Lee was – for a moment, at least – forced to come to terms with the reality of idolising Jamie Vardy. While he might be a very effective striker, a player whose individual contribution has played a massive part in Leicester's first ever top-flight title, Vardy isn't necessarily a sympathetic person. Looking almost exactly like Vardy isn't an unqualified blessing. In fact, it might even be a curse.

Vardy seemed to think nothing more of calling his doppelganger "an absolute full-kit wanker", hauling him in for a quick photo while bellowing "WHEEEEY!" in the manner of a man who is almost certainly concealing a #Marbella2013 tattoo somewhere on his body. Nonetheless, he might want to be a little more careful in future. While we're sure that Lee will forget his remark in time, some lookalikes might not be so forgiving.

You don't want to upset a man who possesses an almost exact replica of your facial features. Who knows what crimes he could do in your name, who knows what horrifying revenge he could exact. Never, ever upset your doppelganger, for the consequences can be truly terrible. Before long, he lives in your house, he drives your car, and he plays football for Leicester City. Before long, you have become the absolute full-kit wanker – and nobody can tell the difference.