Look at it. Really look. Imagine the implications of living in the world this FIFA glitch comes from. Supermen with one mangled leg hop among us as equals, at least on the soccer pitch. Out on the streets, their outré sartorial choices are derided—or are they seen as bold and fashion-forward? Are there more like them, or are these two unique creatures who are celebrities seen by some as the next evolutionary step for humankind? They would sweep the ESPYs either way. Like the stars of certain films, they would use their talents to their advantage every way they could.
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There would be detractors, of course. Skip Bayless and the rest of that ilk would insist that Of course it's soccer where these—and let's not mince words here—freaks could thrive. Try that on the gridiron with Julius Peppers bearing down on you and let's see what happens. Get real.There would be very uncomfortable, confusing slang for them.In the real world, Man City's Aleksandar Kolarov and AC Milan's Philippe Mexes (that's who that is, right?) are not trying to eke out a living after some sort of accident left them with a single leg each. Nor are they Croenenberg-esque wonders who found that their condition somehow gave them an advantage during soccer games. Ours is a world where legs are (for the most part) down there on the ground, propelling us in one direction or another or supporting us as we wait in line for tacos or the bathroom.Our universe seems frankly boring after the mysteries of this glitch. Sure, you can hop on one leg, but not for all that long, really, and certainly not at the speeds we're seeing in this .GIF. Try to execute the cut our friend makes when corralling that ball. That's no bug, it's a feature.David Matthews will have weird dreams tonight. Follow him on Twitter.