A Seattle law firm has filed a class action lawsuit on behalf of an Oakland Athletics fan for a very noble purpose: installation of protective netting at all Major and Minor League Baseball stadiums. That's it. Injunctive relief to force Baseball and Rob Manfred to protect the fans. It seems like there has been a sudden increase in fan injury as a result of batted balls, or broken bats flying into the stands, so change is probably coming. This suit is trying to jump start the process and I think we can all get behind that. What we cannot get behind, is this absolutely ridiculous and bizarrely written lawsuit.Science, facts, the english language; all fall before the altar of this attorney who ate a bowl of Wheaties, strapped on his Perry Mason wingtips, and lost his damn mind. So, we thought we'd highlight the most absurd paragraphs and claims alleged in the suit, which is embedded below for your perusal."Fans flock to ballparks and pay an average of $27.00 to $83.00 per ticket to watch pitchers throw a ball at or over 100 miles an hour and hear the crack of the bat when a batter swings for the fences.""They all do?" Jamie Moyer asks as cries himself to sleep."And "fly" is the operative word. Baseballs have an average mass of 5.125 ounces, and a 90 miles per hour fastball can leave the bat at 100 miles per hour. The average professional batter's swing impacts 4,145 pounds of force to the ball. Peak forces from such a ball can exceed 8,300 pounds – enough to stop a Mini Cooper in its tracks."I consulted VICE Sports resident #dataman, and it turns out, this is complete hogwash: "In order for this "baseball stops Mini Cooper" claim to be true, the car would have to be traveling no faster than one-tenths of a mile per hour, which would make it a Jamie Moyer fastball one of the slowest things on Earth.""Certainly baseball is part of the fabric of our culture and is undoubtedly one of the greatest pastimes in the history of American sport."Sir it is the greatest. Please."On June 23, 2015, Major League Baseball's website posted video and photo of a man, who had just caught a foul ball while sitting in an unprotected area of Wrigley Field along first base, while still holding his infant child (with his legs dangling, drinking from a baby bottle) with the headline "Oh baby, what a catch! Fan holds son, snags ball." Perhaps the Commissioner has forgotten that a child has already been killed by a foul ball at a Major League Baseball game,22 or is waiting for it to happen again before taking the issue more seriously."The footnote here is very good: "His name was Alan Fish, and he was 14-years old (perhaps not young enough to be considered a child by some, but certainly too young to die at a baseball game)."I mean, obviously this is a bad thing, but let's pump the brakes. You are asking Baseball for a fairly reasonable step: put more nets up. There is no reason to be thundering on and making it seem like Rob Manfred doesn't care about dead children. It's not persuasive, it makes you look like a scuzzy attorney."It's also big business – in 2012, MLB agreed to a $12,400,000 eight-year television broadcast contract and the MLB currently generates approximately $9,000,000,000 in yearly revenue."This is completely fucked. This is actually pulled from a Huffington Post article that misquotes an MLB press release. The TV deal was 12.4 billion with a "B" because, you know, baseball is big business, as someone once said."Every ball thrown in the major leagues bears Commissioner Manfred's autograph. It's time for the Commissioner and his office to take action."This is actually true. A weird and, some might say pointless aside, but true nonetheless."Plaintiff, Gail Payne, is an individual residing in Alameda County, in Oakland, California. She has been a devout fan of Major League Baseball's Oakland A's for nearly 50 years, since her aunt took her to her first A's game in 1968. She loves attending games, has attended many, and this year purchased tickets for the first time."I would just like to point out that Lionel Kaffee here misspelled his own client's name in the very first sentence of this lawsuit—"Gayle"—and further point out that it is great that she finally bought tickets after attending games on someone else's dime for 50 years."Gail estimates that at every game, at least three or four balls enter her section alone, and she is constantly ducking and weaving to avoid getting hit by foul balls or shattered bats. On one occasion Gail ducked to avoid a foul ball flying her way, but as alleged herein there is no guarantee she can duck the next time."This seems patently false, if for no other reason than it would mean, by your own quote—"In a typical MLB game, 35-40 batted balls fly into the stands."—10 percent of all batted balls find their way to the same area in section 211 of Oakland Coliseum. Also the lead plaintiff in a lawsuit for fan safety at baseball games has never been injured. You just said in paragraph 2 of your introduction that 1,750 people a year get maimed at baseball games. Find one of them!"Unlike the premium netted seats, the seats in the exposed areas just past the netting, along first and third base, between the foul poles, are often occupied by families because they are more affordable and/or protected seats are sold out. These seats are often occupied by young fans, some attending their first game, who make up for their small stature and inexperience by their eagerness to be a part of the action, wave and dance when the camera pans the crowd, and wear their little catchers mitts."This is a borderline sociopathic description of children."A 2002 study of a 1998 foul ball injury at Fenway Park concluded that it took the ball a mere 1.07 seconds to travel 141 feet. 73 The ball was estimated to be traveling at 90 miles an hour. This means that a foul ball will reach a fan in less time than it takes to say the word "foul.'"Challenge accepted. - The MicroMachines Guy.07-13-2015_Complaint_Payne_v__MLB_No__15-cv-3229
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