Ping-Pong Ballers, Or The NBA Teams That Can't Not Be In The Lottery

The words "Utah Jazz" have, by nature of their strange juxtaposition, likely caused more amusement and confusion than intimidation over the course of the team's existence. And yet this is a team that, despite playing in the smallest of markets, made the playoffs in 25 of 29 seasons, a stretch of success that goes back deep into the NBA's Tiny Shorts Era. They are, by many measures, one of the NBA's better franchises. And yet a Jazz representative has been at each of the last three NBA Draft Lotteries, including this one. A bummery, bottomed-out lottery period happens, even to teams that know what they're doing.

With their path back to the playoffs already well-illuminated by long-limbed defensive stalwarts like Rudy Gobert and Derrick Favors, the Jazz should feel no shame in having their fate, for a time, reliant on some ping-pong balls. Many of the teams in this year's lottery are at similar down-cycling stages in the team-building process. They will not be discussed here.

We are here to discuss the unchecked calamities, teams deep into a generation of failure and locked into doomed five-year plans that seem to restart each offseason. Of the 14 teams who participated in this year's lottery, there are only three teams that have been represented on the lottery dais for more than three consecutive years. In each of these cases, it's been a good deal longer than that.

The Last Time They Made the Playoffs: Rip Hamilton, Tayshaun Prince, and Rasheed Wallace were all still on their first tenure with the team, alongside role players like a super-jaded Kwame Brown and super-fabulous Walter Herrmann. That team started the season by trading Chauncey Billups for Allen Iverson, then finished 40-42 and got swept in the first round by LeBron's Cavaliers, v1.0:

Who They've Drafted Since: Both Khris Middleton (a second-round gem) and Brandon Knight were fantastic selections, and the Pistons traded them both away in order to get Brandon Jennings. Kentavious Caldwell-Pope and Greg Monroe are the types of players who wind up commanding significant salaries despite never getting anybody excited. Last spring the Pistons saw their number nine pick go to the Charlotte Hornets (who drafted Noah Vonleh) thanks to a 2012 trade that netted them the 2012 version of Corey Maggette. Andre Drummond can legitimately be called a "potential franchise cornerstone," which is impressive given that his jump shot is not notably better than that of many Pistons fans.

How They'll Get Back: In the next year or two, the Pistons will experience better health and Stan Van Gundy will shout them to a 48-win season and a tough first-round exit. This is supposed to be a better fate than returning to the lottery, but nobody will be that happy about it.

The Last Time They Made the Playoffs: Mike Bibby, Peja Stojakovic, and Rick Adelman were are still around in the last-gasp incarnation of Sacramento's glorious early-aughts years. Oddities like Bonzi Wells and the artist formerly known as Ron Artest joined the team for a 44-38 season and a first-round elimination at the hands of the San Antonio Spurs.

Who They've Drafted Since: DeMarcus Cousins would justly be celebrated as a national treasure were he not on such a purgatorial team. Aside from this brilliant selection, the Kings have used their picks on oddballs who have managed to stay in the league, if generally just barely: Omri Casspi, Spencer Hawes, Jimmer Fredette, Thomas Robinson, and King of Kings Jason Thompson. It would appear that little more than extended NBA-staying-on can be expected from recent picks Ben McLemore and Nik Stauskas, whose rookie year highlight was having his name accidentally subtitled in a funny way. The team let its magnificent #60 overall pick Isaiah Thomas leave last summer in order to sign Darren Collison and Ramon Sessions, the latter of which was traded for Andre Miller in whatever the opposite of a "youth movement" is.

How They'll Get Back: Petition to join the Eastern Conference? Even with George Karl coaching the team, it is difficult to see how this current roster grows into a contender given the dozen or so excellent franchises that are also in the Western Conference. The expensive core of this year's 29-win team is under contract for a few more years and will remain tough to trade for the duration of those deals. Also the Kings traded away a top-10-protected pick for J.J. Hickson a few years ago that still hasn't conveyed, so there's that.

The Last Time They Made the Playoffs: Worth noting here: the Timberwolves have been a franchise for only 26 seasons, meaning this streak has encompassed a pretty meaningful chunk of the team's history. Led, of course, by the indomitable Kevin Garnett, the only other double-digit scorers on the 2003-04 T-Wolves were Latrell Sprewell, Sam Cassell, and Wally Szczerbiak. The Other Ervin Johnson was a playoff starter for that team, an honor he won by averaging 1.9 points per game in the regular season. Other players with significant roles included Michael Olowokandi and eternal goofball Mark Madsen. They made it to the Western Conference Finals, it goes without saying. That's how good Kevin Garnett was, and how much he did.

Who They've Drafted Since: Minnesota's draft history since has been a long, long line of FreeDarko curiosities, curious precisely for tremendous skill and strikingly poor NBA results: Rashad McCants was the McCants-iest of these, and remains the McCants-iest player in league history. Brandon Roy was traded straight-up on draft day for Randy Foye. Ricky Rubio was infamously coupled with Jonny Flynn. A first-rounder (eventually Austin Rivers) was traded for Marko Jaric. There was Wesley Johnson. There was Ty Lawson, who was flipped for a pick that would become Luke Babbitt, who would be traded for Martell Webster. Also Derrick Williams. This is getting dark.

How They'll Get Back: Whether Anthony Bennett ever becomes larger than his asthma or not, at this point it's really hard to dispute that it was a fantastic idea for the Timberwolves to trade Kevin Love for Andrew Wiggins. Even though Minnesota has retained a perilously small quantity of their upcoming draft picks, they will be coupling a top pick from this year's draft with the bounty of upside-intensive young'uns already on their roster. The destination is visible, if hazy on the horizon. They are wandering, slowly but in a discernible direction at last, out of the desert.