Look at all these old assholes who dabbed just this weekend:• Chiefs coach Andy Reid, whose roly-poly goofiness might have made for a charming visual had he done his dance five weeks earlier.• Falcons owner Arthur Blank, who is literally a ridiculously wealthy version of Lurch from the Addams Family.• Lions owner Martha Ford, who is already paying Golden Tate to dab for her. Leave it to the pros!Read More: Blake Bortles: Anti-Hero Quarterback Or Elite Mook?
• Former Dolphins coach Don Shula, whose dabbing people incorrectly interpreted as mocking the Panthers for losing a game but was actually showing solidarity with the team because, ya know, his son is the offensive coordinator.• EWWW GROSS, DAN SNYDER WAS DABBING. BURN IT ALL AND SALT THE EARTH.Please. Stop. pic.twitter.com/k2GI0v3N4Z
— Vic Tafur (@VicTafur) December 27, 2015
If this horrifying display was what it took to end dabbing forever, then so be it. But if I see Roger Goodell dab, so help me, I may never log onto the Internet again.Bill Belichick: Human Who Occasionally Makes Mistakes? Or One-Man Illuminati That Controls All?You might have heard that the Patriots elected to kick the ball away in overtime and then ended up losing to the Jets. It seems that there was fault all around. Matthew Slater deserves blame for not saying that the Pats wanted to defend a specific end zone rather than say they simply wanted to kick. The NFL deserves blame for its weirdly rigid coin toss protocol. And, of course, Bill Belichick gets hammered for choosing to kick in the first place, a decision that apparently costs a team a 7.6 percent chance of winning.Redskins pass out game balls to Snyder, Gruden & McCloughan because they were the only ones who believed & Snyder dabbed in Locker room.
— Dan Hellie (@DanHellie) December 27, 2015
I, for one, look forward to thousands of people concocting theories about how the Patriots coach was just lying down so the Jets make the playoffs instead of the Steelers.Let the Crying Jordans Rain Down on CamSpeaking of way overexposed fads that only seem to gain traction as each week goes by…It almost looked like the Pats were trying to help the Jets get into the playoffs or something.
— Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) December 27, 2015
One of the most compelling storylines of the 2015 season has been whether the Carolina Panthers could be the first NFL team to go 19-0. The Panthers were unable to reach the postseason before being dealt a resounding "No" on that front, meaning Carolina will just have to settle for a boring old non-perfect Super Bowl title should they win out in a few weeks.As expected, whenever a team finally loses after building up an impressive record, all the pent-up Schadenfreude and hot takes burst forth to poison an entire day; it's like an oil spill, but significantly smellier. If a Mike Wilbon tweet is making the rounds, you know something stupid is happening. Ever the Chicago homer and arch-grump, Wilbon complained that the Panthers are too full of themselves before comparing them unfavorably to the 1985 Bears, a team that released the Super Bowl Shuffle three months before winning a title.Sorry Cam, it's your time. pic.twitter.com/sycSeblKP1
— Aron Yohannes (@AronYohannes) December 27, 2015
Ha Ha That Is Just Like The Internet vs. Real LifeThese scenarios always end with the athlete apologizing to us for lying in a couple years. https://t.co/mdvDJhaI9j
— Larry Beyince (@DragonflyJonez) December 28, 2015
How you feel about Eagles lineman Jason Peters taking himself out of a game probably depends on how much you want players to suffer just because they make more money than you. Saturday's game wasn't even the first time this season Peters has exited early to spare his body further punishment that could be avoided. It's hard for players to expect much in the NFL, but a 33-year-old eight-time Pro Bowl player can at least be granted that much leeway. Not by the people who live for not giving any leeway to NFL players, but at least by the rest of us.Why the Fuck Do We Need to Watch Week 17?Good question! I'm glad I rhetorically asked for you.The NFC playoff teams are locked in, as are the teams getting byes in the first round. Once again, if everything shakes out right, the Vikings and the Packers can have back-to-back games in Week 17 and the Wild Card round, just as they did in 2012. At least this time we know in advance that Joe Webb won't be starting at quarterback in a playoff game.Source confirms @howardeskin report. Jason Peters took self out, saying he didn't want to risk getting hurt for team not going to playoffs
— Les Bowen (@LesBowen) December 27, 2015
Now that Washington is returning to the playoffs, it's time for their supporters to pompously remind the world that no one believed before the season that their team would be less bad than the rest of the NFC East. Next time, the media will surely have more faith in Tony Romo's ability to get hurt. Now comes the fun in seeing just how much money the team forks over to Kirk Cousins in the offseason. No doubt Kirk is the team's best and most realistic option at quarterback for the time being, and he's had a fine second half of the season. But committing to him for another three to four years will seem risky to a lot of people, especially because it's Dan Snyder's comically inept football team that's doing it.Yeah…that didn't happen. A roundup of preseason predictions for the #Redskinshttps://t.co/6hZ8QMD7dk pic.twitter.com/AYuP0eX2sa
— Stephen Czarda (@SCzardaRedskins) December 27, 2015
1. Julio Jones knocking off the unbeaten Panthers with one of the best catches of the season? Sounds about right. After all, someone has to drag Matt Ryan to victory. Jones's 178 yards accounted for more than half the 306 Ryan put up on the day.2. Arizona's defense came through in a big way against the Packers, just a week after losing Tyrann Mathieu, considered by many a Defensive Player of the Year candidate. The Cardinals defense combined for eight sacks, four turnovers, and two scores (and nearly added a safety) in a resounding 38-8 victory. The Cards are finally getting enough attention that Tony Dungy was willing to pronounce a 13-win team "sneaky good" during Sunday Night Football.3. Jordan Reed, the Washington tight end, eclipsed the single-season franchise record for receiving yards at his position, and did so in his best game of the year, posting nine catches for 129 yards and two scores in a division-clinching win in Philly.In case you missed it. Or even if you didn't.Just watch JULIOOOOOOOOOO do his work. And enjoy. #CARvsATLhttps://t.co/IDpeeog0Ls
— NFL Network (@nflnetwork) December 27, 2015
Keep hope alive, Indy.TIEBREAKERS: For INDY, they need:DEN beat CIN then..IND > TENJAX > HOUBAL > CINBUF > NYJATL > NOOAK > KCDEN > SDMIA > NEPIT > CLE
— Joe Ferreira (@JoeNFL) December 28, 2015