Laser Pointer Investigated After Wayne Rooney's Botched Free Kick

Was Wayne Rooney distracted by a laser pen as he missed his penalty for Man Utd? https://t.co/fOZgCaxTTr? pic.twitter.com/hwu2DoYwMK
— Sky Sports Football (@SkyFootball) October 29, 2015

Apparently, European football matches haven't outgrown that awkward phase from the early 2000's, when people habitually, annoyingly pointed laser pointers at movie screens. The one important difference between a movie screen and a sporting event, though, is that you can't blind a film actor mid-performance. (They aren't actually there.)

Well, Wayne Rooney had a laser pointed at his face mid-freekick during Man U's botched League Cup match against second-tier Middlesbrough, and now the Football Association is investigating that laser, according to NBC Sports.

Over 7,000 Middlesbrough fans were in attendance, and Rooney was on the away side at the time of the match-deciding kick, so it makes sense that they would want to try to figure out what happened. Sure, the laser pointer was likely a factor, but the big question is how do they investigate that? Are they just going to ask everyone who had away section tickets if they pointed a laser pointer at Rooney? Are they going to use complex trigonometry to find out who did it? Was there a second gunman pointerman? Very confusing.

It's not like this is the first time something like this has happened. Soccer players everywhere have looked like they're about to get sniped in an exciting European spy thriller for a good long minute now. Maybe now the FA will get to the bottom of the pointer conspiracy. (Hint: they likely won't.)